You Belong With Me

One afternoon I was taking some kids to the 7-11 during half-time of the high school football game. Brittany was sitting in the front seat playing with the music on my ipod.
Terrell was sitting in the seat directly behind me. Terrell is 15 years old and pretty badass.
In the rearview mirror I see Terrell gazing out the window and wistfully singing Taylor Swift. "She wears short skirts/I wear t-shirts/She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers."
No one was really paying attention to him and he was singing so quietly I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't seen him in the rearview mirror. I watched him for a few seconds but I think one of the other kids saw me. They turned and said, "Terrell?" He seemed to come out of his Taylor Swift trance and he tried to play it off by screaming the lyrics and dancing around, but we all knew. The kids were all confused but I was dying laughing. They were traumatized.."But...but..how do you know the words?" "Terrell? What's going on?"
He told us he hears it on the radio which is his alarm clock. But we knew. The jig is up, Terrell.

The New Guy

Here is an excerpt from his Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP):

Summary
Eric…can create a disruption to the learning environment (including calling out, being out of his seat, talking to peers during lessons, making noises) due to a history of ADHD and lead poisoning. When confronted on these disruptive behaviors or given consequences for negative behaviors, he exhibits verbal and/or physical aggression and may also elope from the classroom/building. This reactivity appears to be due to his difficulty regulating emotions, difficulty inhibiting impulses as well as misperceptions about people in his environment. Recently, Eric brought a knife to school, which was determined to be a premeditated act and not the result of the impulsivity associated with ADHD.

Preventing Strategies
Reduce distractions to Eric from the class and vice versa, access to additional academic and behavioral supports in a smaller setting when Eric is unable to complete work within his class.

Teaching Strategies
Eric will learn to link his thoughts with his feelings and behavior

Reinforcement Strategies
Eric can receive special lunches when he achieves goals.


Wtf? Some thoughts here.
1. Thank goodness the knife incident was premeditated and not the result of ADHD! Whew. Crisis averted.
2. How the HELLLLLLLL do you teach someone to “link his thoughts with his feelings and behavior”?
3. Good luck “reducing distractions” when you put him a class that really should have seatbelts on their chairs.
4. Where are these additional academic and behavioral supports? I would like to meet them.
5. Special lunches, eh? Where do these come from? Do I buy them? Is he a puppy?

I would like to thank the Special Education Team for churning out this b.s. and then acting like I should be okay with it. “Oh, he is having problems in class? Well we gave you a BIP. Just look on there.”

The Great Hoodie Controversy of 2009

So every day for the past month, our morning and afternoon announcements have consisted of this: “Teachers! Students are still wearing hoodies in your classroom! There are to be no hoodies or jackets or anything of that nature on your students. Students should wear their uniform and leave all other things in their lockers. Teachers, I am holding you responsible for the students in your classroom.” She also sends around administrators to go into classrooms and take children’s jackets.

Yesterday, Jonnae was wearing a purple sweater (her uniform color is hunter green) with a hood on it. I told her to take it off. She yelled, she screamed, she moaned and complained. She went to Principal. Principal apparently told her it was okay, she could wear it (but, conveniently, she didn’t tell ME that she could wear it.) So she tries to stroll back into my room. I tried to stop her and she flipped out. Principal was in the hallway. I asked her if Jonnae could wear the hoodie/sweater. She said, “Of course! We never said they couldn’t wear sweaters!” I rolled my eyes and walked away.

I went to her office later. I said, “I need some clarification on this hoodie/sweater rule. What can they wear and what can’t they wear?” She tells me they have always been able to wear sweaters, just not “hoodies…you know? Hoodies.” I said, “Okay, you should probably be clearer with your directions, because it sounds like they can’t wear anything but their uniform. Can they wear any color sweater?” She said, “We decided this already.” (We did??) “They can wear sweaters that are brown, white, black or the school colors.” (The school colors are blue and white? I think.) I said, “But her sweater HAS A HOOD and is PURPLE.” She said, “Ugh! Just let her wear it!!”

1. If they can wear sweaters but not hoodies, that basically is saying that girls can wear jackets and boys can’t. (Do you know any boys who wear cardigans?)
2. Why is it such a big deal if I don’t follow your rules, but I’m the annoying one when I’m trying to get clarification on your dumbass rule?
3. WHO CARES???!!!!!! Sweaters, jackets, hoodies, whatever. The temperature in the building is a crapshoot everyday anyway.

Let’s worry about our real problems? Like the fighting and the complete lack of work ethic. Granted, you can say that if you let the little things slide, you’re going to let the big things slide; but this same Hoodie Nazi is the woman who, during our faculty meeting, said, “Our suspensions are down. I’m not going to suspend somebody for something as simple as cursing you out. That is something you need to deal with.”

So, from now on, you can be in full-out eskimo gear and Miss Vinson will not say anything to you. I tried following the rules. It didn't work.

Leaving All The Children Behind

So I have a 7th grade class of students in which nine of them read at or below a 3rd grade level. Two of them read on a first grade level. Five of them were previously in a self-contained classroom, but put into the regular education classroom because “they can do the work.”
The special education teacher told me she doesn’t understand how one of these kids could be passing my class because he reads on a first grade level. I told her I have to grade him differently than everyone else because he obviously is not able to do all of the work. She said, “Just fail him and they will send him back.”
Which brings me to Victor. He reads on a 2nd grade level (well, we think. He refused to finish the test, so they just graded the few questions he answered.) He will do a good 10 minutes of work for me and then he’s done for the rest of the day (80 more minutes). He is very pleasant for me, but it is pretty much impossible to get him to do any more work. Even if I sit beside him and try to work him through it. Well, I went to the special education team to tell them that he is not doing well at all in the regular education setting and needs to be back in a classroom which can better accommodate him. I was told that he has, on multiple occasions, threatened to kill his special education teacher. Therefore, “he doesn’t threaten to kill you, so we’re going to keep him in your class.” So, this one, even if he fails every assignment, is with me for the long haul.
Another child in the same class, Dennis, is also on a 3rd grade reading level. He disappeared a few weeks ago because he got suspended. The suspension was for three days, but he’s been gone for a good two weeks. I found out today he has been placed in high school. In the middle of the year. From seventh grade. To high school. He can barely read.

Oh, Come ON! (Part Two)

So this didn't happen to me, but it's still so ridiculous I had to share.

Apparently a girl snuck a knife into school the other day. The kids were going to Art class, and about 5 of them told the asst. principal that this girl had a knife. What does this guy do? He walks the students to their next class and tells the teacher, "Watch so-and-so, she has a knife." WTF?
The teacher then SEES the knife. Multiple students in the class SEE the knife. The teacher told me he was just dumbfounded. WHY IS SHE IN CLASS IF EVERYONE KNOWS SHE HAS A KNIFE? And, what do you mean "watch her"? What kind of ridiculous statement is that?
She eventually is taken downstairs, but she has hidden the knife at this point. Since the principal or police officers didn't see it, nothing happens. Nothing at all. Not even detention.

Oh, Come ON!

There was a fire this morning. Some kid set a bulletin board aflame. It was at 7:25a.m. (Some kids are in the cafeteria for breakfast, but homeroom doesn't start until 7:45) We had to evacuate.
But you know what, whatever. It's not even the fire. That's like the 3rd fire this year, none of them have caused any real damage besides us having to stand outside.
Here's my problem. It's 7:45ish in the morning and you are dropping your child off at school. When you get there, you see 2 firetrucks, one ambulance and 200 people standing in the grass. AND YET YOU STILL DROP THE KID OFF AND DRIVE AWAY? Not even a roll-down-the-window "hey, what's going on?"??! This wasn't just a couple of parents. It happened close to 30 times. At what job would "Sorry I'm five minutes late, but my kid's school was on fire" not count as a legitimate excuse? What would possess someone to push an 11 year old out into 30 degree weather with emergency vehicles without some sort of explanation? What could possibly be going on that is so important?
Or, I guess it could be even worse. Do these parents have some lackadaisical "oh, this happens all the time" attitude?
PEOPLE! GET IT TOGETHER!

What's a Synonym for SUCKS

The Language Arts teacher got fired last year because he couldn't pass the math portion of his certification tests. (According to No Child Left Behind, we all have to pass a math, reading and writing test with a certain score. This guy has is 50 something years old and hasn't had math in quite some time.) Anyway, he still works at our school but only as a full-time substitute. He's the only IB trained Language Arts teacher we have.

He's leaving next week. I was told that whenever he leaves, they will make ME the IB Language Arts teacher and put some other full-time substitute in my place to teach Social Studies.

Okay, so I realize I complained a lot about the whole "4 preps" situation earlier in the year. And, if anyone wants an update, it still blows. But NOW they are going to give me 3 preps in a subject I'M NOT EVEN CERTIFIED TO TEACH??!

You know how I know it's going to happen? Because I've planned social studies lessons for the sixth graders and eighth graders all the way up until Christmas break. So, of course, they will change my SUBJECT and completely negate all that work.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Icy Hot

Okay, so I just went to Lowe's and bought two fans. I already had one that works and another that doesn't anymore. I bought them so that we can survive tomorrow. I started to sweat today just SITTING in my classroom. I wasn't standing or moving, just sitting. and sweating.
I have no idea how hot it is in my classroom or the school in general. I just know it's hot enough to make me sweat without moving. This means I am crabby. This means my kids are crabby. It has been a very ugly past few weeks.
Before this manufactured heat wave, it was so incredibly cold, people were wearing winter coats inside all day and teeth were chattering. I had to stay in my room because, thanks to my no-ventilation, the air conditioner doesn't pump into my room and so the freeze out was bearable. People bought mini-heaters and let the kids take turns standing beside them.
But as much as I hated the freezing, the sweating is ten thousand times worse. Tempers are much closer to the surface when everyone is hot and uncomfortable.
So, when we go to the administration, the maintenance people, whoever, to get this temperature thing under control, this is what we hear: "You know, you people are never happy. Just two weeks ago you were complaining about how cold it was. I can't spend my life trying to accommodate you!"
Um, okay. coupla things here. 1. I'm not asking for mints on my pillow or a gold-plated pen set. All I want is for it not to be unbearable in my classroom. And that's too much? 2. Since when are my only options 40 degrees or 100 degrees? Seems like around the 70 degree mark works for most everyone. Why don't we try that? The maintenance guy told me it was "really difficult" to regulate the temperature. Seriously? Like, rocket science hard? Is there a special degree for this?
I know it seems like a petty thing to complain about. I'm sure tons of people sit in offices or wherever freezing or burning up. But it's just another thing in an already ridiculously long list of things that aren't fair to my kids. It's already an effort to even get them to show up to school, now we're going to make it an unbearable environment?

I Pray Every Night That I Never Have To Go Through This

In memory of Jason ...

"The tragic stabbing death of 15-year-old Jason Madison Jr. last week, allegedly at the hands of a convicted murderer who had a forced sexual relationship with the boy in his aunt's home, brought a tearful letter from the victim's teacher.

The boy was found in his aunt's upstairs closet, gagged with a pillowcase and stabbed in the head and throat. A suspect, Donte Parrish, was arrested a few days later at a convenience store in Northeast Baltimore.

A spate of other killings this week has brought Baltimore's homicide total to more than 200 for the year, a grim statistic as we end the year.

Here is the note from Jason's teacher, Ryan C. Jones (note, he uses a different spelling for the victim's last name): "-Peter Hermann, Baltimore Sun

Hi friends and family,
I am writing you this in hope you can do me a large favor. As some of you know, I lost someone very close to me this week. A student of mine was taken from us in a violent manner. His name was Jason Mattison and he was a 15-year old student, whom I have had the privilege to teach through his 9th and 10th-grade years, since he arrived on our campus during the summer of 2008.

There has been extensive news coverage of Jason’s death over the past few days. He was brutally attacked, abused, fatally injured and left for dead. His attacker, a 35-year old previously convicted murderer, has been arrested, and will meet his doom in one way or another.
However, I am writing because not enough positive things have been shown about Jason. As is often the case, the majority of news has revolved around the graphic nature of his death and the circumstances relating to his attacker. Too often, we hear news that a young, black male from Baltimore City was killed and we think nothing of it.



Jason was not just another statistic! He was a lively, unique individual who brought smiles to the faces of countless people every day. Jason was an above-average student, who excelled in many areas of academics and social life. He dreamed of finishing his career here and moving on to college, medical school and then to his own pediatric office. God, how kids would have loved his big smile and booming voice! You need to simply look at his exotic dress, flare for the dramatic in class and with friends and talk to those who knew him to understand what a loss we have all been dealt.

Jason was in no way involved with gangs, drugs or weapons. He spent his time after school doing homework in teachers’ classrooms and hanging out with friends. His nightly routine of chatting on MySpace is the same one any of our kids have, and the same one as kids all across America. But for as “typical” as Jason seemed, he was so unique. He hated normal! He was different because he could be. He wore his skinny jeans and fashionable sweaters and blazers because it made him stand out.


I’ve included a few pictures of Jason as a way to expose what a great child he was, and to allow those who didn’t know him to see more than the news coverage allows. In my eyes, this tragedy has focused so much on the negative and what is truly being lost is what a great child we had the pleasure of being around. It hurts me to watch the news and see a murderer’s face and story being told and not that of Jason!!!!!

Please do me a favor and honor Jason! I am asking that you simply forward this e-mail and pictures to everyone you know. I want Jason’s story to be told and I want everyone to see that we have lost an innocent child! And maybe more importantly, I want everyone to see how beautifully wonderful this child was!!!
Ryan C. Jones, M.A.T.
English II Instructor

Goodbye Diversity

Well,our white kid transferred out yesterday.

The Bad Day

It was not a happy time in Schoolville today.

First, my dear baby 6th grader Ricardo, had a problem. One of the other teachers does not like him, and she sent him out of class. He was walking up the stairs, and somebody threw something and hit him in the face. He was already angry and he punched the kid in the face and gave him a bloody nose. He got suspended for 3 days. He also is to be taken out of the advanced class. I am very, very upset about it. This is not the first time they have decided that smart kids can't make any mistakes. I went to the principal and begged and even cried a little. I really don't want to lose him. She said we'll see.

Third period. 3 students are working and they call me over to their table. Desean says, "Mr. Y is a rapist." I told her that was a pretty huge accusation. She said, "it's not about me. it's about tytrese. tell her, tytrese." Tytrese just cast her eyes down. Desean said, "You really need to tell somebody what he did." I told them that it wasn't appropriate to talk about this in the middle of class and we would talk about it after class was over.

After class, I went to the principal and told her what the girls had said. She called them in and spoke with them and then scheduled a meeting with Tytrese's mother.

Today, Mr. Y confronted me in the hallway and yelled at me because I didn't warn him. He kept saying that I know he didn't do it and this is his career that is on the line.

I'm very upset about this. Mr. Y is my friend and I feel bad, but at the same time, what else was I supposed to do? I tried to stay as uninvolved as possible BECAUSE he is my friend.

I Don't Even Want To Know Why They Know How To Do That

On Friday, my 6th graders were taking a test. Another teacher came into my room to give me something, walked out of the room and closed the door.
For some unexplainable reason, the door wouldn't open again. It was unlocked, the handle would move, the door wouldn't budge. An administrator was walking by, I tried to alert her without telling the kids. Maybe she could open it from the other side and no one would ever know that the door wouldn't open.
No such luck.
It was only 8:15a.m., so 6 of my kids were coming in late--they had to go sit in another teacher's room. I had the administrator, an office worker and another teacher on the other side of the door trying to get in. I was on my side trying to get out.
This went on FOR AN HOUR. Meanwhile, the kids are freaking out.

WHAT IF WE STARVE TO DEATH?
BUT MS VINSON I HAVE TO GO TRICK OR TREATING TOMORROW!
I CAN'T BREATHE, WE'RE LOSING AIR!
WE CAN'T MISS LUNCH!

I would literally spend 30 seconds working on the door and then a minute telling every one to take deep breaths and calm down. over and over again.

About half an hour in, I just gave up and left it up to the people on the other side so I could make sure nobody hyperventilated. After another 15 minutes, Tyrin and Ricardo asked me if they could try to get the door open.

They spent a good 5 minutes assembling their supplies; they had a little committee meeting about their plan of action; they then had the door open in about 10 minutes.
I'm not asking any questions.

"Some people march to a different drummer--and some people polka."

This sums up Marcus more than any words I could use.


If every single other kid turns in this:




Then Marcus will turn in this:




He followed directions (he folded, he cut), but he followed them in his own little way. The point of the activity was to find a country, put the country on the first flap, the climate of that country on the inside and a description of the climate on the back of the flap. 79 other kids got it done. Marcus crammed all the information on the back flap. And he didn't finish.

Oh, by the way, Marcus is pretty much a super genius.

Lexicon Artist

In a world with the "yo's" and the "wassups" and the u 2 and the b4, I would like to take a moment to recognize a special young man in my 3rd period for attempting to single-handedly bring back the phrase "doodly-squat."

Thank you, Quamonta, for repeating the phrase approximately 302,984,320,948,329 times today and some how finding a way to make it almost every single part of speech. Congratulations!

An Open Letter To Parents

Man, parents. I love you people. I've never birthed a child, so I don't know exactly how it would make me feel. I mean, I have students (students!) who I've only known for a few years and I would stab somebody in the face before I let them hurt my babies. So I can't even imagine that same feeling multiplied into something that came out of me, looks like me and is part of every waking moment of my life.

So, anyway. I get that having a kid makes you a little psycho. It's fine. And as a teacher who rarely sees parents, I'm even more excited that you care enough to come talk to the teachers about your precious baby. I'm even MORE excited when you have showered, are not high, and don't threaten the lives of either me or your child.

However, the following are a few things I've heard over the years...oh, no, wait, they were all said just today by the same woman...that maybe aren't really appropriate to bring up in the parent/teacher conference...or really maybe at all:

(all of these were said to the Language Arts teacher. He's super tough and loud and mean, but totally fabulous. And, I heard all of this even though I was two classrooms down the hall.)

"Your work is too hard. It is not your job to prepare her for high school. It is MY job."

"I will defend her no matter if she is right or wrong. No matter what she says, I will come up here and defend her to you. [30 seconds later] Well, if she is not doing her work, then why aren't you calling me every day to tell me these things?"

[screaming] "The whole problem is your tone! She can't learn because you make her angry with your voice!"

"So Chelsea said you pick on her, but she wasn't telling the truth? It doesn't matter if she was telling the truth or not---she is not a liar! Don't call her a liar even if she's lying!"

"You don't TELL my daughter what to do! She will do what she needs to when she's ready!"

and finally...

"I just don't understand why you teachers don't try to communicate with me more."

The Day I Disrupted An Entire High School

So Ultimate Favorite of All Time child, Taurus, is in 9th grade now. He comes to visit me sometimes, and he asked me to come to his football games. So, me and a few 8th graders and maybe a teacher or two will drive over after-school on Thursdays to watch him and a couple of my other former students play for the high school down the road. Usually the games start at 3:45.
Well, last Thursday, the game started at 3pm. I did not know this, but the high school doesn't get out of school until 3:30. I pulled into the parking lot around 3:10. I got out and so did the two girls who came with me. Well, it was a very nice day and this high school doesn't have air-conditioning. All the windows facing the parking lot were open. All three stories of them.
I start walking towards the field when I hear, from a third floor window, "I LOVE YOU MISS VINSON!" Well, everyone else heard it too...because all the windows were open. I know about 25-30 kids in that school, and apparently all of them took that opportunity to run to the open windows and yell out at me. I'm pretty sure some kids I don't know were yelling too.
Here I am, standing in the parking lot, telling three floors of screaming high schoolers to "Shh!" Finally I just scurried over to the bleachers and tried to hide.
I hope I don't run into one of their teachers around town anywhere. Sorry 'bout that.

Double Double Toil and Trouble

My class of 8th graders is a fabulous little group of people. I've always thought so. This class has been roughly the same faces since they were sixth graders together. Over the past three years, we've lost a few and gained a few due to transfers, but the majority of them have been around the whole time. They are and will always be the best class I have ever taught.

Anyway. Today we were talking about the Salem Witch Trials. To prove my point about how ridiculous it all was, I told one half of the class to try and prove I was a witch and the other half of the class to prove I wasn't.

Johnny says, "Of course she's not a witch. If she was a witch, she would have done something to us for getting on her nerves for all these years."

I slowly turned around and said, "And how do you know I haven't? Anybody seen Jamal since sixth grade?"

Chelsea screams, "Oh My God Miss Vinson What Did You Do To Xavier?!"

then Shazmira, "And Arias!"

Tyonna, "She IS wearing black today."

"Tyonna, you're on the side that is supposed to prove I'm NOT a witch."

Tyonna: "Well...can I move?"

Yeah She Does!

by: Shawna

Vh1 Divas Live: Teacher Edition

Some of the teachers in my school are the most amazing people I know. Some others, not so much.
There are two women who fall into the second category. For the most part, they are perfectly fine individuals if we're talking about the weather or what to have for lunch. But once we get into teacher territory, these ladies lose their damn minds.

Now, I'm not big on competition and I have no idea where someone would get the inclination that teaching is some sort of rivalry. If a kid likes me, that in no way shape or form means they don't like you. Oh, and if they like you, I DON'T CARE. Because, see, it's not a big deal. It's not even a small deal. It's not even a deal at all.
Maybe I got a big head after learning that literally fives of tens of people were reading this blog. Maybe I needed to be taken down a couple of pegs.
Anyway, these are things these women have said about/to me in the past week or so:

---"The reason you don't think she has bad behavior is because you don't have high enough standards and so you don't believe she's doing anything wrong." (It's actually because I don't get in her face and scream at her. Therefore, she has no reason to curse me out. But you know,whatever.)

---"Oh, he's good for you? Well, just you wait. Your time is coming. It's not because your special or anything. He's just biding his time." (What is he, a cartoon villian?)

---(To the 6th graders): "I know you just had lots of fun in Ms. Vinson's class, but it's time to learn now so you need to calm down." (Wow! Thanks!)

---(Some guy from the school board came and observed all our classes last week. I'm the only one who got an email from him saying that he enjoyed my class.) "Well, he probably used to be a Social Studies teacher or something and so your subject is what appeals to him."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My gift is ghetto middle schoolers. Some people have singing or acting or sports. I have none of those things. I don't get awards or prizes or a better salary. The only thing that comes from my gift is that some ghetto middle schoolers like me, and sometimes they learn stuff. This does not mean they are not allowed to like other people, or can't learn from other people. WHY ALL THE HATERATION?

Urgent!

We know students are fighting and yelling and not doing work and stealing and skipping class and setting fires and bullying but FOR GOD's SAKE TEACHERS, CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU WASH YOUR CHALKBOARD EVERY DAY?! JESUS!

It Was Probably By Mariah Carey

In part two of the series "______are Weird", we will be examining the role of parents; specifically, the actions of parents during a parent/teacher conference.

We have a kid, Darion. I feel as though I can say this from the safety of my secret blog--He's a psycho. Sometimes it's the little kid psycho, like he Michael Jackson moonwalks his way to the trash can or he sings stupid songs at inappropriate times (in the middle of a test, instead of doing work.) Other times he's a real big psycho--like talking about having sex with people's dead grandmothers. (Yeah...)

So we call his father up for a parent/teacher conference. Everybody has their say. One of the other teachers, she brings up the fact that she sees Darion's mother dropping him off every day, with her music playing. She kisses him goodbye. But when he gets away from the car, he says something to the effect of, "I hate that song, anyway." (Okay, I'm pretty sure this is just because it's his mother and he's 12 and trying to impress his friends by being "too cool" for all that...but what do I know.)

So the other teacher goes on with her story, continuing to elaborate on how his bad attitude escalates from there, blah blah blah. I'm not even sure why she brought the song thing up, except to just maybe prove that she pays attention to Darion, or that he puts on a show for his mother and mumbles stuff after she leaves.

But anyway, so after the other teacher finishes her little rant on Darion, the father turns around and says, "What song was it?" Everyone is looking at each other like, What the hell? Who cares? Then he gets louder, "WHAT song WAS it?" Darion says he doesn't know the name of it.

Another teacher pipes up, "Darion is acting up, he's not doing any work."
The father interrupts, "I'm sorry to cut you off, but I'm still trying to figure out what song it is."

Even after the whole "Darion talks about having sex with dead grandmothers" revelation, the father still wouldn't let it go. Really, sir? REALLY? Now I'm significantly less confused as to why he's such a psycho. Thanks Dad.

The Longest Running Joke In The History of My Classroom, Endlessly Spoken By Every Single Class, Every Single Year, Over and Over Again

"Idaho."

I Mean...

What the heck kind of nickname is "Butt Butt"?

Lions and Tigers and Freemasons, Oh My!

In case you didn't know, kids are freaking weird. They smell funny; they raise their hand in the middle of class to tell you they saw a kitten at the bus stop; they play stupid games with stupid names like "snatchies" and "swirls" (snatchies=stealing something from someone. if you say "snatchies" while you do it, you get to keep it. swirls=putting your hand on someone's head and then moving your hand in a swirling motion really fast, supposedly to make them turn their head....see....STUPID.);they think that hitting you or calling you names is the appropriate way to show affection.

They also spend a lot of time bored. They try to find ways to fill this boredom with any number of activities. Jawon, my dear, dear Jawon, chooses to watch The History Channel. This is equal parts fabulous and annoying. I believe after an episode of Gangland, he came across some kind of special on the Freemasons. Now the ENTIRE class is scared to death of Freemasons. They have some piece of paper where Jawon drew Freemason symbols on it, and they'll throw it at each other and scream. They'll walk to the trash can and on the way there, come up behind somebody and scream, "FREEMASON!" so they other person jumps and also screams. They asked me if Ms. Mason is, in fact, a Freemason.

I told them if they got all their work done, for the last 10 minutes of class, we could discuss the Freemasons. So, then they screamed at each other to shutup. SHUTUP WE HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THE FREEMASONS!!! Devin then says that he doesn't want to learn about them, he'll have nightmares. Also, in case you didn't know, Jay-Z is a Freemason, and he sold his soul to the devil (all of them do that.)

Or, at least, that's what Jawon's uncle's neighbor's sister told her cousin who told Jawon.

On The Radar

So on Friday, we had somebody from the School CEO's office come by to meet with us during our Professional Development. I think the title of her little presentation was "How To Piss Off A Room Full of People In Ten Minutes or Less." I think that's what it was.
Anyway, the official reason of coming was to make sure we know that when Special Education students get disciplined, we can't stop the services they are supposed to be receiving.
Okay--I guess. I mean, that whole argument comes from people who don't have any idea what happens at school. So, you have a kid who is acting like a crazy person. I get that we can't hide him in the closet and forget about him. However, you've got 30 other kids in the room that deserve an education too. And it's never just ONE kid.

But whatever. Her ACTUAL, underhanded reason for coming was to stand in front of us and let us know that we're "on the radar" for discipline issues and we better get our shit together, or else. She really actually said "on the radar" and "we'll be watching you" and crazy scare tactics like that. We know you suck and you better stop sucking immediately or something bad is going to happen.

Of course, like normal people, we get a little bit defensive. We don't have any money or resources, they keep sending us students who have been discipline problems all over the city, have just gotten out of JAIL, etc. In the middle of her rant on In-School Suspension (she has lots of rules for ISS), she keeps bringing up that we need to have "strategies and things" in place for when a student acts up. One of the teachers (not me, for once), raises his hand and asks for suggestions.
He says,"You keep saying we need strategies and things. Can you give me some suggestions for what KIND of strategies and things?"
She ACTUALLY says,"You know, strategies and things. I mean, what kind of strategies and things can you come up with?"
and he says,"I'm asking YOU. You're whose radar I'm on. I'm asking YOU what I need to do to fix it."
She then asks if our administrator can come in the room. She presents the situation to our administrator like we are all scared of our school and our overwhelmed with how to deal with our children. Managing Assistant Principal (MAP for the sake of laziness) is all kinds of perplexed. The lady purposefully misinterpreted the situation so she didn't have to address our concerns. But MAP is freaking out because she doesn't want it to look like she can't control her staff or there might be some kind of discord at the school (God forbid anyone see the truth, right?) So she spends the next 10 minutes trying to sugarcoat everything and talking about how everything we had said related to last year and we really didn't need anything this year because everything was so much better and blah blah blah.
So MAP and mean lady leave the meeting all, "Ah, another job well done!" while we're still sitting there stewing over the injustice of everything. Education at its' finest!

They Aren't Always Precious Slash Sometimes I'm Kindof A Bitch

There's a kid. His name is Deon. I've seen him twice, it's the 4th week of school. He says he's missed the last 2 weeks because he was locked up. He's 15 and in the 7th grade.
He was sitting in my room, doing nothing at all. He starts talking to another boy. I tell him 3 times to be quiet. Then I say, very loudly, that he needs to be quiet. He says, "I don't know who the fuck you think you're talking to." I say, "I'm talking to YOU Deon [LastName]. Deon [LastName] is who I'm talking to. But maybe you don't need to listen since you've heard all this before, the last time you were in 7th grade." He said, "Well, you're fucking lucky I'm on the box." (On the box=ankle bracelet monitor, like house arrest). Another kid stood up and told him not to talk to me like that and to shut his mouth. He didn't say anything for the rest of the period. When we were lining up to leave, I asked him to stay back. After everyone had left (besides him and another boy), I asked him if he really meant to threaten me or if he said something he didn't mean because he was angry. I told him that if he really meant the threat, then I have to write him up and he can get arrested for something like that, which is not good since he's on the box. He said, "Can I leave?" and I said, "Can you answer my question?" He repeated. I repeated. He looked at the other boy and said, "Imma fuckin rock her, I swear to God." He then took a black bandanna out of his pocket and held it up. I asked him if I was supposed to be impressed, or if I should congratulate him. He said, "You can take it however you want to take it." The other boy stood up and told Deon he needed to leave. Deon walked out and I started writing his office referral.

I went into the office later and Managing Assistant Principal was in there w/ Deon. She would not suspend him because I should not have embarrassed him in front of his classmates (by pointing out he's been in 7th grade before).

My Favorite Quotes of Today

"Look, Ms. Vinson. I did work, and I don't even do work!"-Victor

"Look, son. The pilgrims came over on the Mayflower. I got that off Charlie Brown, yo."-Quamonte

Detention For Dummies

My school, the city, all inner-city school systems, come up with some dumb-ass policies from time to time.
For example, on Friday, we were given letters for kids to take home for their parents to sign. If a child does not bring this letter back, signed by a parent, then WE CAN'T HOLD THEM FOR DETENTION.
What kind of shit for brains child is going to bring this letter back? I spoke with one of the administrators, and she said they were going to be offering candy to whoever brings the letter back. Again, exactly what kind of morons do you think we're teaching here? I mean, yeah, they think Baltimore is a state and that I'm related to all the other white people in all the world, but come on, nobody's that dumb.

You Must Not Love Him THAT Much

So, I have a new life philosophy. It is called Resist The Urge To Spit In My IST's Face.
We're getting along. I sortof smile and sortof joke when I talk to her. I do not attempt to strangle her or rip her eyeballs out. I still want to, but I'm not.
Anyway, she was in my room talking about last year's 8th graders (I had went to a JV football game the day before and seen about 15 of them.)
One in particular, Eric, took some kind of placement test and is now in 11th grade. (Don't ask.) Eric is one of my favorites. He's verrry troubled and very sensitive. He's up there with Taurus as one of the Ultimate Favorites.
IST hates him. BIG surprise. Huge. She hates someone who really, really likes me. I'm shocked.
She was talking about him, and how much she hates him, and how much I love him. And she said,"But I know what you mean. That's how I feel about Tavon. You know Tavon? He was my favorite when I was teaching." She went on, Tavon, Tavon.

I know exactly who she's talking about...and his name is Trevon.

Shutup or Leave

The 4 preps, and the 2 teams, and the 8th grade activities, and the behavior issues of the 7th graders...kindof a little much already.

My IST does N.O.T.H.I.N.G. all day. Everybody knows it.
I ask if she could take over one of my classes so I'm not so overwhelmed. She'd have one class every other day. Big whoop.

Well, I was informed yesterday that if I have a problem with my current schedule, I can go to Human Resources and transfer to another school so they can get someone more "willing to work in the IB program." Oooookay.
There's a whole bunch of blahblah and etc. etc that goes with this story that I just really don't feel like talking about again.
But I think it's kind of bullshit that since I'm not just doing whatever they say with no questions or complaints, their first (and only) solution to this is to kick me out of the school. Wow. (By the way, more than 2 preps is against my Union Contract.)
Things have changed at the school as far as there is less yelling and children running and fire alarm pulling and whatnot, but damn, the attitude is still the same.

He Makes Quite The Impression

There's a teacher at my school. Mr. B.
He's loud and crazy and a fabulous teacher. He's one of those that believes you need to really freak kids out in the first few weeks so you don't have any trouble later on. It works for him--I'm not good at acting like I might be a crazy person.

Anyway, I was asking my cute, tiny little precious 6th graders how their first week of middle school went.
little Kevin: well, I like this class. But I don't like Mr. B's class. He is too loud.
Others: Yeah, he's loud and mean!
little Ricardo: yeah, I like this class, and science, and math, and gym.
Me: That's all your classes.
little Monae: not Mr. B's!! We don't like him! He is MEAN!

Me: Well, tell me some good things that happened this week.
little Kenneth: Well, it was funny when Mr. B gave Kevin detention.
others: Yeah!
little Ryan: And when Mr. B yelled at Myshae. That was funny.
others: Yeah!
little Imani: And when Mr. B was dancing and singing.

Me: So, lots of good things happened in Mr. B's class, right? So he can't be all bad.
Class: *confused mumbles* huh, I guess so, huh.

My New Best Friend

So today was the first day of school. woo, yay, etc.
I hate the first day of school with all the talking and the kids just staring at you. There really isn't much to say about it. But today I made a friend. All because I am badass.
His name is Walter. He is 8th grade and I don't teach him. But I saw him in the hallway. He was saying to his friends/self/imaginary friend, "Fuck that, man." I said,"Excuse me, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't curse around me."
Walter: Whatever, yo.
Me: I'm not a 'yo.'
Walter: Man, get out my fuckin face.
Me: I'm not a man either.
Walter: Alright, Alright. Can you leave me alone?
Me: If you can say that you won't curse around me anymore.
Walter: Alright, alright,whatever.
Me: Okay. I'm Ms. Vinson, what's your name?
Walter: Walter.
Me: Hi, Walter. What school did you come from?
Walter: Well, I was at (random school) but then I got moved to [the alternative school] in the middle of last year.
Me: Oh, [the alternative school]? Then you must know alante (last name)?
Walter: Oh yeah. We're tight.
(I guess at this point, Walter thought I would be impressed or scared that he knows alante--a kid who got thrown out of our school last year. But, more importantly, is one of my top 5 favorite kids ever.)
Me: Well, you know he's my son, right?
Walter:(incredulous) seriously?
Me: Yeah, I love that kid. Ask him. He calls me Ma.
Walter: for real?
Me: Yeah, well, I'll see you later Walter.
Walter: Okay, bye Ms. Vinson, have a nice day.

I saw him three more times and every time he waved and said, "Hey Ms. Vinson!"

I Need Some Books, Man

http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=306770

Wow.

So, we have a system-wide email system that I've never checked. I finally figured out how to do it, and I checked it today. I found this:

Subject: Saying Goodbye

Heather,

It is always hard to say good bye to a family member. We fought, we argued, we talked about each other but yet we still cared about each other. You are talented person as well as a talented teacher. You care and love children going that extra mile to support them emotionally, financially and educationally. We just need more people like you. I will truly miss you and our Family. I wish you the very best in your future endeavors.
Sincerely
((((Principal))))

What The Hell Is Going On?!

We had our first school-wide faculty meeting today. The first official teacher day back. It was informative and just the right amount of inspirational talk combined with get your ass in gear talk--and it ended ahead of schedule!

Maybe We'll Play Uno Instead of Talk About Teacher Stuff

So, I'm Zen about the whole 4 preps thing now. I'll be fine. But the best blogging comes in a haze of fury, so there you go.
However, how funny/stupid/obviously characteristic of my school is this:

Our school is set up in "teams." Teams of teacher meet once, twice a week or sometimes daily to discuss students, issues, general teacher blahblah. I teach all the IB students, so I have been on the IB team for the past 2 years. I am now teaching every single 7th grade class, so I figured I would also be on the 7th grade team. Nope, my homeroom is 6-01 and even though they are an IB class, I will be assigned to the 6th grade team. I have to go to twice weekly meetings with teachers on a totally separate floor who teach none of the same students as me.

I hope we're cute because we sure aren't smart.

What I Don't Get About Teaching

My whole problem with the teaching profession is the fact that no one can decide if we are complete morons incapable of making the simplest of decisions or super geniuses who can change the world with a few well-placed motivational phrases and snazzy school supplies.
You have the You're An Idiot Side. To these guys, my 6 years of college and two degrees mean nothing to them. Someone else always knows better. Someone else needs to tell me which textbook to use, which topics to study and in what order to study them. Someone else knows what is best for my students, even though they may not actually know who they are. They have to tell me what needs to be hung up on my wall and how to group my students. These people reserve the right to change any and all of these instructions at any given time and not necessarily with an explanation. They want me to take all this in with no questions or concerns because I am, after all, an idiot.
Then there's the You're A Super Genius Side. They think the future is in my hands. I can take 200 students, in groups of 35-40, and in one hour a day for 3 months, make them move up 3 grade levels in reading comprehension. I can single-handedly erase years of emotional abuse and neglect, of inadequate nutrition and sub-par education all with a smile and a can-do attitude. I must be the most amazing person in the world.
The thing is, I can deal with either side. Fine, I'm a moron. Give me my stuff and leave me be. Fine, I'm a genius. Give me my stuff and leave me be. I can't deal with BOTH sides at the same time, all the time. It makes me feel mentally unstable.

It Always Happens, And Yet I'm Always Surprised.

I went up to the school today. Principal is fired and I still work there. I never believe anything in this city until I see it with my own eyes.

Anyway, last year I was assigned to teach IB 6th,7th, and 8th grade. If you're not a teacher, let me just tell you---that's a lot. a lot of planning. they made this big presentation to us about it because it's actually against union contract. Hey, IB teachers, they said, we know it's too much work, but we'll give you good kids and a sweet schedule, you can handle it right?! right! yaaay three preps. So we begrudgingly said yes. The four of us had three preps and while I at no point wanted to kill myself or others, it wasn't exactly ideal.
Well, they told me that we are doing the same thing this year. Okay, again, not ideal, but I can deal with it. BUT WAIT! I went on the online grading system to see my classes, and lookie loo, I not only have my three grades of IB classes, I also teach 3 classes of regular ed 7th grade. FOUR preps! FOUR. They didn't even tell me to my face. Like, it's just going to slip under my radar or something? Last year there was the big ta-da about the 3 preps because they knew it would be an issue. Oh, but that's because other teachers were involved. Now, it's just me. getting screwed. Again. Maybe they know about the blog? They want to make sure I have something to talk about?
I have several issues with this whole business.
1. the not telling me part. Man up already!
2. the part where nobody else is doing it. if we all had a little come to Jesus meeting where they told the staff that everybody was going to have to step it up a little bit because we were shorthanded-well, okay then. Nope. Just Vinson.
3. the part about sucky people getting to do less work. sucky people should be fired, not given a lighter workload because they are sucky.
4. the taking advantage of me because I love my kids part. They KNOW I'll end up doing it, because otherwise kids get screwed over. and that is complete bullshit.

Breaking News

So, in a weird and yet not totally unexpected twist, my principal is no longer my principal. She has been reassigned. I don't know where she's going...I just know it's away.

I feel weird about it. I should be totally excited because she is CLEARLY insane. She wasn't a good principal. But, I'm not totally excited. I'm kindof freaking out.

At least I knew what I was getting with her, you know? I had gotten used to her brand of crazy. I knew what exactly I could and couldn't do, I knew how the school was ran. Now, who the hell knows what is going to happen. They could send us somebody awesome--but the chances of that are slim to none. It's pretty much a toss-up between complete tyrant and hapless loser. Nobody cares about us enough to give us someone actually worthwhile. We'll more than likely get another principal who has also been reassigned because they sucked it up real bad at their last school.

So, I'm in limbo right now. Anything anybody said two months ago--what I'm teaching, who I'm teaching, what teachers I'm teaching with, really means nothing. I have no idea what the vibe in the building will be, how the whole thing is going to run, how the kids are going to respond to this new person, how this new person treats teachers, etc.,etc.,etc. How effin' scary is that?

A+!

So, last week was 8th Grade Week. 8th grade week is the reason I never post anything anymore, because I basically had to do it all myself and it ruined my life for about 2 months. We had 4 trips (six flags, skating, Lion King in NYC and a class picnic) and a prom. I'll get some more information about all that on here once I can process it.
Anyway, it was kind of a given that after 8th Grade Week, the 8th graders would taper off in attendance. Promotional Exercises are on June 8th. All the teachers not so subtly encouraged them (without actually saying anything) that they didn't really have to come to school. Principal, meanwhile, informed them that if they miss any school, or even come in late, they can't walk at "graduation." (I know they are only 8th graders, YOU know they are only 8th graders...apparently, this does not matter to anyone but us.)
So, that is all well and good. Principals are supposed to say "come to school," school really isn't over until next week anyway, blah blah blah.
However, if you are going to demand that these kids come to school, HOW ABOUT YOU NOT ANNOUNCE OVER THE INTERCOM ON FIVE SEPARATE OCCASIONS THAT GRADES ARE DUE TODAY???
So what, exactly, am I supposed to do with these children?

"My mother knows I don't use periods, so I don't even care."

Well.
The kids are in the computer lab typing their research papers on social issues. We spent three days in the library researching, and two days in the computer lab typing. Their papers have to be 500 words. I taught them how to use the "word count" function in Microsoft Word, so I have to get word count updates every five seconds.
Plagarism is a huge HUGE HUGE issue. I get it. It wasn't that long ago that I was typing papers. I want to go back and ask my teachers, was it so completely obvious? My kids will copy/past entire paragraphs. In the past four days, I have said, "IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE WORD MEANS, DO NOT PUT IT IN YOUR PAPER!" about, oh, 3948320948093483204i32 times.
So, we'll be in the computer lab, a kid will raise his/her hand to say they are finished. I will walk over, start reading the essay and then find a big word. "Uh, Taylor, what does it mean to have democratic values?"..."Ummm, it means...uhh..."
Right, you're aren't finished.
Everyone else will just sigh and go back to work (using the "synonym" function to try and find a word they do know). Oh, but not Tre. Tre's issue was the death penalty. He told me he was finished. I asked him if he knew all the words in his paper. He said, "most." I told him I wasn't coming over there until he knew what his paper said. Five minutes later, he says he is finished. I walk over.
"Tre, what does 'consulted' mean?"
"It means, like, the same as assaulted."
"No. it doesn't."
"Well, it does to me."
"Tre, I can call this keyboard ice cream, but it's still a keyboard and it's not ice cream."
"Uggghhh. Can't you just look at the rest?"
"fine." 5 seconds later "what does 'a moral issue' mean?"
"that's what the librarian told me to put so I put it."
"But what does it mean?"
"I don't know. She told me it."
"IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE WORD MEANS, DO NOT PUT IT IN YOUR PAPER."
"Well, you said 500 words, and I wrote 500 words, so I don't even care."
"You don't care that you have an essay that you don't understand? What about this part, it says, 'is the death penalty the death penalty is'?"
"It's two separate sentences."
"Where's the period?"
"I don't use periods when I write."
"Tre, is this the essay you want to turn in to me? Because if it is, I'm going to have to have a conference with your mother."
*See title.*

All You Need Is Some Blood and Guts

It is a bad time of year to be teaching 8th grade. They are so ready to be out of there, but there's more than a month left of school. They don't care about anything. I swear I could be at the front of the room saying, "The answer to all of life's problems is..." or "Tomorrow's lottery numbers are..." and most of the class would still be talking or drawing doodles or making googly eyes at somebody else in the class.
We're talking about the American Revolution, so I showed them "The Patriot." We talked about all the ways it was wrong (you know, like how the entire war is not one dude's revenge mission) and I kept pausing it to show them important parts of history (how the British and Americans fought, the bundling bag, etc.) They LOVED it. And I don't think love is too strong of a word. After Mel Gibson kills 20 guys all by himself, they were hooked. I would even warn them, "this part is going to be gross, so if that bothers you, you'll probably want to look away." That just made their attention more rapt.
I had people crying when one guy died, and at the end, one entire class stood up and cheered.
I don't want to be THAT teacher. The movie teacher. Ugh. The thought disgusts me. But wow. For three whole days all of my classes were at full attention.

Blowin' Smoke

1. I walked into the office and the secretary told me that Deonte was in trouble, he was allegedly smoking weed in the bathroom. She asked me to go ask him if it was true.

He was sitting in a chair in Principal's back office. I didn't go all the way in, I just kind of stood at the doorway and whispered his name. He looked up, and I mouthed to him, "were you smoking?" and made the "smoking" motion with my hand.

His answer:

"Um, ehh...not reaaally."

2. Rakeem came into class with his eyes half closed. I asked him if he was okay,and he said, "Ehh, heh, heh, yeaaaah. Do you have anything to eat?"
Riiiight. I sent him down the hall to another teacher, who just so happens to be his uncle. "Rakeem is looking a little funny today."
Rakeem comes back to me after school to tell me that it was his allergies that made him act that way. "Yeah, that would be a fantastic excuse if it didn't take you FOUR HOURS to come up with it."

All I Know Is One Time In Chemistry My Lab Partner Tried To Set Me On Fire

I forgot this other fun little teaching science tidbit:

For two weeks, I only taught what the science IST gave me, basically test prep books. It was like death. Sooooo boring. So, I ended up looking up a simple science experiment and doing that. It was fun. I asked the Science IST if she had any other experiments I could do instead of the terrible test prep books.
She says sure. She brings me a whole crap load of stuff. We are going to see how many drops of water can fit on a penny. (It's cool, the kids guess like 10, but you can really fit like 60-70.) So she gives me all the supplies. I say, "Okay, cool, but what is the purpose?"
Her: You....are....putting...drops...on.....a....penny.
Me: Right. But what is the point of the experiment?
Her: Okay, here is the dropper, and here is the penny....
Me: I Know!! But after we finish the experiment, I say...? I don't know what concept I am teaching here.
Her: Miss Vinson, you obviously didn't pay attention in high school. *Starts to leave*
Me: What the...? Can you tell me what I'm teaching?!
Her: *sigh*, I have been doing you A LOT of favors lately.
Me: Thanks?
Her: it is about surface tension and cohesion.
Me: Cohesion?
Her: *Sigh*

Great Expectations

Kenyonna.
She used to come in everyday, sit in the corner and do her work. I didn't really talk to her that much, but she was never rude or anything to me. I heard from two of her other teachers that she was causing serious problems.
Her birthday was about 3 weeks ago. She walked into class, picked up her work, threw it on the ground and said, "I don't know how to do this!" I said, "Kenyonna, you didn't even look at it."..."I DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING STAY IN HERE!!!" And she walked out. What the...
So, i write an office referral. On the referral I describe what happened, but I say that since this entire episode happened in about 30 seconds, and I've never seen her like that before, I'm pretty sure something else is going on that doesn't have anything to do with me.
She comes back to me about 30 minutes later and we talk in the hallway. She tells me that she's mad that her birthday never turns out how she wants it to. I get that, I've been there. I told her that it sucked about her birthday, but she couldn't talk to me like that.I pretty much just decided to let the whole thing go.
(Oh, and side note: every time someone writes an office referral, the administration says that you have to call a parent before they will do anything. Okay.
Kenyonna and two of her sisters go to our school, and all three cause trouble. Once an administrator called the house and had this conversation:
Admin: Hi, I'm calling about your daughter.
Mom: Which one? I have seven.
Admin: Seven! Wow! You must have your hands full.
Mom: What? they're just kids. I could have 12 and it wouldn't matter.)
But ever since then, she won't do any work, she won't talk to me or look at me. It's really weird. She tells people that she hates me and her math teacher. That's fine, but I don't get it.
On Thursday, I was walking around passing out rulers. She had been in the corner sleeping (her usual routine lately) but she had gotten up and walked across the room. I told her to sit down. She said, "If you hit me with that ruler, I will smack you." Again, what the...I wasn't being confrontational, I didn't even yell, "sit down." I kind of rolled my eyes, like, "okay, crazy.." But kids can't threaten me, so I wrote her another office referral (I've only written two all year--both for her!). Nothing happened. NOTHING. She was in my class the next day. Nobody mentioned the office referral. She still wouldn't talk to me, but she did all her work. If she had a question, she would ask another girl to ask me. Again, WEIRD.

But I really tell you that, to tell you this:

So, we get out of school at 2:35. Najee's hair was a huge mess. Takeeta had asked that, if they both finished all their work, could she fix Najee's hair. Okay, fine. it's Friday. When you are finished. (I know, I'm a terrible teacher, I should be taken out back and shot.)
At 2:30, Takeeta started re-braiding Najee's hair. At 2:31, Principal came into my class and starting yelling about how I'm a terrible teacher and this school is about learning, etc., etc.,etc....pretty standard principal talk. I get it, she has to say something, it's good. I know I shouldn't have let it happen, etc., etc.
But after the bell rings, she calls to me down the hallway to come see her. We have this conversation:
Principal: miss vinson, That was completely unacceptable.
Me: I'm sorry. There were only 5 minutes left, and they had finished all their work.
Principal: I don't care if there were 30 seconds left, they need to be working.
Me: Okay.
Principal: I mean, how dare you.
Me: Principal, come on. My class is the only class Takeeta even CAME to today. She was running the halls. And she did WORK for me. She wasn't running around cussing everybody out.
Principal: You have the wrong attitude about all this miss vinson!! We have EXPECTATIONS in this building!
Me: Yeah? Well, if expectations are so high, why didn't anything happen to Kenyonna after she threatened to smack me?
Principal: Right, and you didn't call her mother.
Me: You want me to call that mother? The one who said no teacher is allowed to talk to her?
Principal: *Sigh* Well, *Sigh* I guess I'll suspend her. *Sigh*

Me: Well, don't do me any favors. It doesn't even matter now.

Hopefully I Can Update The Blog From Prison

So, the CEO of our school system had a fancy plan for schools to have "autonomy," so principals were put in charge of their own budgets. A good idea, I'm sure, if the principal isn't a nutcase.
We are a Title 1 school, (i.e....POOR) and we receive money that is designated as Title 1. (becoming Title 1 depends on how many of your students receive free lunch.) This money is supposed to be used to help those students.
Our esteemed principal has attempted to use this money to purchase the following:
1. a new refrigerator for the teacher's lounge
2. catered food for the 8th grade prom
3. buses for a trip to six flags.
I'm sure there is more, that is just what I know about.
I know these things because I am in charge of all the 8th grade activities. Activities that she created, then decided on the dollar amount for the class dues, left me to do all the work, and then refused to give me any money. She said I could only charge the kids $100. But she included a trip to six flags, a prom, a class picnic, and a skating trip. Then, she runs out of money. so when I give her the invoice for the prom food, she's all, "oh, just use Title 1 money. I never promised you anything else." Awesome.

The Big Yellow One Is The Sun

So, like I said, the black cloud of test prep left me....momentarily. I was informed yesterday that I will be TEACHING SCIENCE FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS. The past six weeks have been reading/language arts. That was horrible. But I could
fake it. Reading. I do that. SCIENCE??? No. Nope. Not at all. The 8th graders have to take a science MSA on April 22. They had science last semester. They didn't pay attention to their teacher. They don't know any science. Like, AT ALL.
I am supposed to teach them all of middle school science in the next three weeks. sweet. The science IST came to me and said she has lessons for me. A bunch of videos. I am supposed to teach this monday. I have seen none of these
lessons she has. She doesn't come to work until 9am. School starts at 7:45.

Today, I anticipated the fact that no one would prepare me for something I know nothing about and they are forcing me to do, so I asked her if I could have a set of science textbooks. She really looked at me like I all of a sudden started speaking Chinese. "What? Why? Why would you need that?"
SERIOUSLY? seriously. Seriously?
Well, I said, you know for vocabulary and INFORMATION. Since I don't know anything about middle school science.
"Oh, well, okay. I'll try to find something."


Gee, thanks so much for all your help.

MSA TESTING: DO NOT DISTURB

wow. yeah. been gone awhile. Prepare for an onslaught of posting.

we just finished our standardized testing this week, so the dark cloud of teaching test prep was gone and things were looking up. But then I remembered where I work. But I'll get to that in a minute. A few other things first.
-The testing schedule was, of course, completely stupid, but whatever. I had to take my homeroom class upstairs and get another class and bring them down and test them in my room. In the process of all this moving, Somebody tells a kid in the class that I am getting, "Wow, y'all are lucky. You get to test in Ms. Vinson's room." Everybody's favorite IST, Ms. Sperry, (who's in the hallway) says very loudly, "WHAT IS SO FREAKING SPECIAL ABOUT MS. VINSON?"
Wow, bitter much?
Later on, she asks me if I heard her say that. Well..seeing as how I was STANDING RIGHT THERE. She then says, "Oh, haha. I mean, do you give them food or something?" What are they, stray dogs? No, I don't give them food so they'll like me, LADY.
And while we're on the subject of the lovely Ms. Sperry...
I have this kid. Jaquan. He's kind of a whiny jerk. But, I have discovered that as long as he is not hot, he'll at least attempt his work. So my classroom has two fans. One is the "Class Fan" and one is the "Jaquan's Fan." Jaquan will stroll in, assemble his workstation of desk, chair and fan in the corner and do his work. Ms. Sperry was all in a tizzy. "Why does he get special privileges? Why are you treating him different?" Blahblahblah. LOOK! maybe it's not perfect. But here's the deal. I have to work in this building everyday and I have to NOT have
the desire to blow the place up. If kids treated me the way all these other teachers get treated, I would feel inclined to BLOW THE PLACE UP. So, if Jaquan needs a fan and a corner to get his work done and not be an asshole, THEN THE BOY IS GETTING A FAN. I don't think it is an unreasonable compromise. OH! and I believe it is MY classroom.
Right, so, moving on. I was having a conversation with another social studies teacher. This teacher told me that Ms. Sperry told HER the story of Jaquan and his fan, but said it like I'm doing something wonderful. Something along the lines of, "Well, all of Ms. Vinson's students are always on-task and working. I don't know how she does it! She even lets a kid have his own fan so he'll do his work. Maybe you should observe her classroom to see how she does it."
I swear her goal in life is to make me think I'm crazy.

These Are The Parents I Love

So, Shykia has been giving several of her teachers troubles. She's rude and loud and doesn't do her work. They had no way of contacting her mother. They did not know she had a brother in the 7th grade.

I did.

Yesterday, another teacher and I spent our planning period finding her brother, finding out how we could get in touch with his mother, finding his teachers to get the numbers they have for him and, finally, getting in touch with the mother. She was scheduled for a parent conference this afternoon.

Shykia, who isn't rude to me, but is loud and always late (I have her first period) came in EARLY today, sat down, did all her work and spent 45 minutes having this conversation with herself:

"I don't even care though, really, I mean it's just a meeting. It's just a meeting. I don't even think anybody will say anything bad. Well, maybe Mr. F but nobody like him anyway. Ms. Vinson, you gon' say bad stuff? Hey, Josh, you better not talk or you'll get a meeting. But its okay, I don't care, it won't be bad or nothing. I been doing my work. I do my work right Ms. Vinson? I mean, I might be loud or something but I get my work done. I ain't worried though. It's just a meeting. Why would I be worried? I'm not worried..."

About 20 minutes in, I had to go stand in the hallway because I was laughing.

Well, It All Started With The Fire...

...in the bathroom. So we had to evacuate the building. It was 30 degrees outside. The kids had no coats. We were there for about 20 minutes.

When we came back in, a teacher and a student got into some sort of altercation which left the teacher with a bloody nose and the girl with a scratch on her face from the teacher's rings.

Fast forward to half an hour later. There are about 20 people crowded in and around the office. The girl's mother and family have shown up. So have the police. The girl's mother tries to attack the teacher and has to be restrained. She gets arrested. Somehow, all the furniture in the office gets broken.
The girl's mother then has some sort of asthma attack/hyperventilating/something in which the ambulance has to be called. So, we've watched a handcuffed, kicking and screaming woman walk past my window and then we watch a stretcher and 4 EMT's walk past my window. By this point, I have completely given up teaching and we're all just trying to covertly find out what is happening.
Then, 4 of the police officers rush out of the office into a classroom because a seventh grade class has a child throwing desks and about 10 girls screaming at the top of their lungs. I Still don't know what happened there.
Then, there was a food fight on the 2nd floor.
Four of my best students were in huge ridiculous fights.
Five girls came to me at different times crying, all for different reasons.
All this before noon.

Then, after school, we had an "emergency" faculty meeting where we got yelled at and told not to let this happen again. Her exact words were, "Today happened because of YOUR inability to be leaders."

I Really Hate When People Don't Update Their Blogs

I've been super blah about school lately.
Our standardized tests are coming up in the middle of March, so IST is back on my case. I'm not allowed to teach any Social Studies, only MSA Prep. Awesome. I don't know if you know this, but I can teach "main idea" and "elements of a narrative" using social studies material.
UNACCEPTABLE!
This is a hypothetical of my life for the past 2 weeks:
"Hello, class. Today we are going to learn about Algebraic Functions. But instead of teaching you algebraic functions, I'm going to give you a test on Algebraic Functions. And after you all fail that, tomorrow I will give you another test. I will then go over test taking strategies such as 'do not spend too much time on any one problem' and 'do not make random guesses.' I will proceed to do this for the next three weeks until the Very Big Important Test takes place, giving no consideration to the fact that you are confused or dying of boredom. On that day, I will feed you crackers and demand silence so that you can finally pass your test. Any questions?"

It's draining me.

Sometimes the Nonsense Makes My Head Explode

My last period class comes to me from lunch. Let me be clear. They are my last period AND they are my after lunch class. So, for those of you who aren't teachers, let me lay it down for you. THAT SUCKS. The after lunch class is usually looney tunes, and so is the last period. And for me, they're both the same class. wonderful.
Also today, it was 50 degrees outside, and 90 degrees inside. Temperature control is not a feat we have mastered in the Baltimore City Public School System.
And another also, the lunches at my school are crap. I may have mentioned this before. I mean, they are terrible. They are microwave meals that are microwaved 30 minutes beforehand and then carted over from another building. yummy.
ALSO, the cafeteria is a stinky, hot, loud, dirty, gross, oppressive place to be. There aren't really cafeteria rules, but there's usually 3-4 adults in there yelling about who knows what. So, anyone who asks (and who I like) can eat lunch with me. I don't care. I know a few other teachers who do this. (We have to keep it on the low, this would make Principal veerrrrrryyyy angry.)
Anyway, I say all of that to say all of this. I usually go get my last period class from the cafeteria. Most of them come with me. I'm not a cattle herder. If I walk into a loud mess of a cafeteria, I'm not going to go up to each individual student in my class and attempt to bring them to my room. I come in cafeteria, my presence is announced, I leave with most of my class behind me. Okay.
Those that don't come right away, either they didn't hear/see me come in, or they spend their lunch period elsewhere. Whatever. They usually get to my room within 5 minutes, they come in without talking and get started on their work. I can deal with this. It's not perfect, but I see these kids cursing out everybody else, so I think I got it pretty good with the 5 minute leeway and the not cursing and the work doing.
I am wrong.
Today I bring my kids down. Five minutes later, principal is in my doorway with two boys. "MISS VINSON!!!!!!!!!WHY ARE THESE BOYS LATE COMING INTO YOUR ROOM?"

Well, I don't know. See, they're LATE.

MISS VINSON DO YOU PICK UP YOUR CLASS FROM THE CAFETERIA???

Yes.

WELL THEN WHY ARE THEY LATE?

*sigh* *eye roll* I don't know.

DO YOU PICK THEM UP?

yessss.

FINE.

She then proceeds to take them to the office and suspend them for two days. And yell at me to call their house and tell their parents about how terrribbblle they are.
But see, here's the thing. They aren't terrible. And also, I'm pretty sure being suspended is their punishment. And also, I'm pretty sure how I run my classroom is my business. AND ALSO, if they were on any other floor this wouldn't be a problem. It's total crap that kids coming to my room get treated differently than they do when they are upstairs.
And how stupid is it to SUSPEND somebody for not going to class? HELLO. That's what they were doing! Oh, you don't want to go to class? Well, now you CAN'T go to class! SO THERE!

The Class of 2009

Well, sorry that I haven't been blogging. Sometimes I just don't feel like there is anything to say. Or sometimes there is something to say, and I feel like I *should* blog it, and then I get mad because I think the blog is holding me down...clearly I have commitment issues.
Anyway, I'm teaching my 8th graders. My children. I love the others too, but I really have a special relationship with these guys. The other ones are good and cute and smart. These guys have issues out the wazoo. Most of them seem to have Multiple Personality Disorder. They are either laughing, crying or screaming, with really no in-between. I like the crazies, what can I say.
For me, this is further proof that I could never work at a regular school. Teaching kids who wait patiently for directions and do all their work? Boring. Finding out why Nina won't stop crying, forcing Taurus to sit in my room so he won't fight Darrell, giving Mason food, trying to figure out ways to trick them into doing work without it seeming like work, letting Akil do his Black History paper on George Jackson and the Black Guerilla Family so he can learn that gang origins started with social change not the drug trade, engaging in psychological warfare so I don't have to yell but I can still get them to be quiet, grabbing ears, making sure Nikeal and Deonte don't try to make out when we go to the library, just getting them to pay attention for 5 straight minutes...man, I love that stuff. I don't know what that says about me. I guess I need kids who need me right back.
I'm also in charge of getting all their 8th grade activities together. In Baltimore, 8th grade is like 12th grade. 8th grade graduation is a big deal, they have a prom, the works. At first, I thought this was ridiculous, that you were basically giving them a reason to drop out. But I'm okay with it now. Baltimore is also different because you have to apply and be accepted to the high schools. So, most of these kids won't see each other anymore after this year. But most importantly, *I* won't see them after this year. It's going to be terrible. I've gotten too attached. I know it.
There's this scene in "The Wire" where the assistant principal tells Prez to get his own kids and stop worrying about his students, because they'll go their own way and there's plenty more behind them. I find this both true and really, really depressing.

Malfunction Junction

So, the new semester has arrived at last. I teach 3 8th grade classes and so far they are pretty fantastic. I'm so glad to have only one prep and to not be teaching IB, it's fabulous.
It was pretty awkward there for a minute. 90% of these kids I'm teaching now, I taught in 6th grade also, but not for 7th grade. So, when they found out they were coming back to me, some of them were literally yelling. YAAAAAAY WE GET TO COME TO YOU!!! YAAAAYYY!!! AHHHHHHH!!!
Uh, see, here's the thing, lovely children. You remember me from last year, when I didn't teach you? and we talked and hung out, I gave you field trip permission slips and food. You forget I had to yell at you for most of 6th grade. I'm sure things will take a drastic turn once they realize I'm not actually handing out cookies and A+'s every day.

But anyway, let's get on with the malfunction.
How's this for retarded.
-One of the classes I'm teaching? Yeah, they had social studies last semester. I was told to "just start back at the beginning anyway, they didn't learn anything." Awesome.
Two of the social studies teachers in the building, they keep their same classes. So, about 5 classes have social studies all year. The rest of the school only gets it for a semester.
-My homeroom, the one who already had social studies, has been put in Music 2nd period. The Music teacher put in her 2 weeks notice...a week and a half ago. So, that means I'll spend most of next week standing in the hallway waiting on a substitute to come for Music.
-Whenever anyone tries to point out this, the administrators get all defensive like we just said their kid was ugly.
-I've already gotten in trouble because I think it's ridiculous to walk 35 8th graders in a silent straight line up 3 flights of stairs for lunch.
-The IB authorization people are coming Monday and I could not be more ready for it to be over. Now, the school coordinator just comes in my room every few hours and screams, "MAKE IT IB IN HERE!" and then leaves. Nobody ever told me what the hell that even means, so I just nod.

we also join hands as brothers and sisters.

Every MLK day, I make the kids watch/listen to the "I Have A Dream" speech.

And every MLK day, I have to give the same answer. Towards the end of the speech, when everyone in the room slowly turns to me, wide-eyed.

"No, I do not know personally the 'vicious racists' of Alabama."

I'm Going To Die

So, the Lang. Arts teacher and I were commissioned to hang up a bajillion flags all around the hallway. (This makes us "international"). As we were hanging the flags, I suggested we loop a few through the ceiling tiles.

Principal looks at me and says, "oh, no no no, heathaaaaah. we don't want to stir up the asbestos."

The Luck of the (apparently) Irish

At our faculty meeting, we got yelled at for a new thing. Mushed in between all of the old things, we got yelled at because our children misspell words. Also, apparently, some teacher misspelled something. All 43 of us should be ashamed because of this one person's mistake. After we were verbally beat down about grammar from the Queen of Grammar Mistakes ("let me reiterate that again" is her favorite phrase), she passed out the "O'bama Inauguration Packet."

O'BAMA? Like, O'Hurley or O'Donnell? This guy. Wow, he is like the United Nations all crammed into one person.

an update about the lack of true updates

Today I was told I'll probably teach 8th grade social studies next semester, to classes of 8th graders who already get social studies. I will also have to move my classroom upstairs because they don't want "those kids" on the first floor.

This news was of course, given to me as I walked down the hallway in the opposite direction of the person telling me, who is not actually in charge of any decisions, he just works in the office and "hears things." awesome.

I'm going to make a shirt that says, "I DON'T REALLY CARE, JUST TELL ME." Seriously, they keep "threatening" me with "bad" kids. Uh, which ones? Every kid they name, I've already taught at some point. scary! kids I already know! ooooooooh.

These threats keep coming up because I keep asking. They are so pissed that I want to know what I'm teaching in two weeks. How dare me! I should be ashamed.

Also, IST informed me my room looked "too busy." Oh, sorry. We'll stop this learning shit IMMEDIATELY!

I do not repeat myself.

So, kids right?
If its one thing I've learned from teaching, it's that kids will mimic your every move. The reason they tell you to get the fuck out their face? Yeah,they heard it from mom/dad/grandma/neighbor, whoever. Half the time, they don't even know what they're saying, they just know it sounds badass.
Because of this, I rarely get mad about some kid shouting overheard phrases. I think it's kind of funny. Like a screwed up version of playing house.
Today, 4th period.
Me: Chelsea, so you'll stop talking, you need to move to a different seat.
Chelsea: I DONT WANT TO!!
Me: *blank stare"
Chelsea stands up, but instead of moving to the appointed seat, stands in the corner.
Me: If you can't sit down in my room, I guess you can't sit down on the bus to the field trip Wednesday.
Chelsea: I DON'T CARE!
Me: oh, that's good then.
Chelsea: *mumble, mumble*
Me: what?
Chelsea: I already said it! I don't repeat myself!
Me: *rolls eyes* that's nice. I do. You're not going on the field trip.
Chelsea: *mumble, mumble*
Me: what?
Chelsea: I already said it! I don't repeat myself!
Me: what?
Chelsea: I said I don't repeat myself!
Me: Oh, right.

and the reason I love my 7th graders is that they all got it and died laughing.

Wow, Why Doesn't Everyone Work Here?

All the copy machines have been broken for THREE WEEKS now. Well, the one in the front office works, but as we were told over the intercom in the middle of the day, "Teachers, you think you are so smart and you go and break the copy machines. You can't use the one in the office because you need to suffer the consequences of your actions."

This goes hand in hand with her other mid-day intercom tirade about how teachers should support each other and the administration and how dare teachers not be supportive, etc., etc. The irony, of course, would be that the most supportive thing she could do would be to not cut us off at the knees in front of kids?

Pssh, Amateurs

Somebody broke into the school over the weekend and stole money from the vending machines in the teacher's lounge. While talking to the kids about it, I heard this enlightening comment:

"Why'd they go to all that trouble? All you gotta do is pour salt water into the coin acceptor. It fries the circuits and the money falls out."

Well, I guess that proves your innocence?

This Looks Familiar

Well, the internet has been down at home, so sorry for not posting. Because, damn. These people make me question my sanity on an hourly basis.

1. A woman was shot to death about 10 ft. away from our front door. IT WAS NEVER EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED by our illustrious administration. We’ve even had a faculty meeting since it happened. Not a word.
2. I was told the day before Christmas break, “Your 8th grade class will go to science instead of your class starting January 5th.” (I’m really getting tired of this little song and dance, btw.) I came in on January 5th, “Oh, no, we’re not ready. You’ll keep the 8th graders today.” Awesome. Then, Tuesday and Wednesday, they all went to science. From now until January 23rd, only 21 of the 34 will go to science, and then they all will (including my 6th and 7th graders). What the hell kind of sense does that make??!
3. What will I be teaching after January 23rd? Everyone is mystified.
4. When they told me about this 21/34 nonsense, (oh, and that was only because I searched them out and asked myself, they didn’t actually feel as though it was necessary for me to know) I decided to make the ones will have for the next two weeks write research papers about one aspect of the Government high school curriculum (the one they have to get tested on and pass to graduate), things like Brown v. Board, the United Nations, etc. I was told that was too boring and I needed to jazz it up a little. I was told, not asked or persuaded, that I was going to have these kids, FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, write a jingle about the presidential inauguration, “because that sounds way more fun than a research paper.” Oh, my bad. I’m so stupid.
5. Then I was asked, so what are you doing with your 6th and 7th graders until the end of the semester? (January 23rd) I told her (now, Ms. Sperry…my favorite) that I was doing ancient Greece with the 6th graders and starting government with the 7th graders. (Following the curriculum, apparently I am the only one who remembers that whole hoopla at the beginning of the year.) She tells me, this woman who was obsessed with me following my curriculum to the letter, with no embellishment or originality. “Well, I think you need to focus on them learning the states and countries because I was in the computer lab one day listening to them, and it was horrifying. They don’t know anything. Teach them that.” (Sorry for this but…) FUCK YOU.
It’s really just whatever way the wind blows that day, isn’t it? It’s about saying what is most ridiculous at the time, whether is goes with your previous statements or not. I was busting my butt to teach them states and countries and got chewed out on a daily basis.
6. My classroom is roughly the size of your computer screen. My principal is demanding that all classrooms include a “technology center” of 3-4 computers. That would be awesome. Oh wait! I have 34 students, 33 desks and no tables! Alas, where shall these alleged computers go? The technology jerkwad came into my room and told me I have to completely rearrange my entire room to accommodate these computers….from 2001. Eight year old computers. Sah-weet. Maybe we can play Oregon Trail.