An Open Letter To Parents

Man, parents. I love you people. I've never birthed a child, so I don't know exactly how it would make me feel. I mean, I have students (students!) who I've only known for a few years and I would stab somebody in the face before I let them hurt my babies. So I can't even imagine that same feeling multiplied into something that came out of me, looks like me and is part of every waking moment of my life.

So, anyway. I get that having a kid makes you a little psycho. It's fine. And as a teacher who rarely sees parents, I'm even more excited that you care enough to come talk to the teachers about your precious baby. I'm even MORE excited when you have showered, are not high, and don't threaten the lives of either me or your child.

However, the following are a few things I've heard over the years...oh, no, wait, they were all said just today by the same woman...that maybe aren't really appropriate to bring up in the parent/teacher conference...or really maybe at all:

(all of these were said to the Language Arts teacher. He's super tough and loud and mean, but totally fabulous. And, I heard all of this even though I was two classrooms down the hall.)

"Your work is too hard. It is not your job to prepare her for high school. It is MY job."

"I will defend her no matter if she is right or wrong. No matter what she says, I will come up here and defend her to you. [30 seconds later] Well, if she is not doing her work, then why aren't you calling me every day to tell me these things?"

[screaming] "The whole problem is your tone! She can't learn because you make her angry with your voice!"

"So Chelsea said you pick on her, but she wasn't telling the truth? It doesn't matter if she was telling the truth or not---she is not a liar! Don't call her a liar even if she's lying!"

"You don't TELL my daughter what to do! She will do what she needs to when she's ready!"

and finally...

"I just don't understand why you teachers don't try to communicate with me more."