Malfunction Junction

So, the new semester has arrived at last. I teach 3 8th grade classes and so far they are pretty fantastic. I'm so glad to have only one prep and to not be teaching IB, it's fabulous.
It was pretty awkward there for a minute. 90% of these kids I'm teaching now, I taught in 6th grade also, but not for 7th grade. So, when they found out they were coming back to me, some of them were literally yelling. YAAAAAAY WE GET TO COME TO YOU!!! YAAAAYYY!!! AHHHHHHH!!!
Uh, see, here's the thing, lovely children. You remember me from last year, when I didn't teach you? and we talked and hung out, I gave you field trip permission slips and food. You forget I had to yell at you for most of 6th grade. I'm sure things will take a drastic turn once they realize I'm not actually handing out cookies and A+'s every day.

But anyway, let's get on with the malfunction.
How's this for retarded.
-One of the classes I'm teaching? Yeah, they had social studies last semester. I was told to "just start back at the beginning anyway, they didn't learn anything." Awesome.
Two of the social studies teachers in the building, they keep their same classes. So, about 5 classes have social studies all year. The rest of the school only gets it for a semester.
-My homeroom, the one who already had social studies, has been put in Music 2nd period. The Music teacher put in her 2 weeks notice...a week and a half ago. So, that means I'll spend most of next week standing in the hallway waiting on a substitute to come for Music.
-Whenever anyone tries to point out this, the administrators get all defensive like we just said their kid was ugly.
-I've already gotten in trouble because I think it's ridiculous to walk 35 8th graders in a silent straight line up 3 flights of stairs for lunch.
-The IB authorization people are coming Monday and I could not be more ready for it to be over. Now, the school coordinator just comes in my room every few hours and screams, "MAKE IT IB IN HERE!" and then leaves. Nobody ever told me what the hell that even means, so I just nod.

we also join hands as brothers and sisters.

Every MLK day, I make the kids watch/listen to the "I Have A Dream" speech.

And every MLK day, I have to give the same answer. Towards the end of the speech, when everyone in the room slowly turns to me, wide-eyed.

"No, I do not know personally the 'vicious racists' of Alabama."

I'm Going To Die

So, the Lang. Arts teacher and I were commissioned to hang up a bajillion flags all around the hallway. (This makes us "international"). As we were hanging the flags, I suggested we loop a few through the ceiling tiles.

Principal looks at me and says, "oh, no no no, heathaaaaah. we don't want to stir up the asbestos."

The Luck of the (apparently) Irish

At our faculty meeting, we got yelled at for a new thing. Mushed in between all of the old things, we got yelled at because our children misspell words. Also, apparently, some teacher misspelled something. All 43 of us should be ashamed because of this one person's mistake. After we were verbally beat down about grammar from the Queen of Grammar Mistakes ("let me reiterate that again" is her favorite phrase), she passed out the "O'bama Inauguration Packet."

O'BAMA? Like, O'Hurley or O'Donnell? This guy. Wow, he is like the United Nations all crammed into one person.

an update about the lack of true updates

Today I was told I'll probably teach 8th grade social studies next semester, to classes of 8th graders who already get social studies. I will also have to move my classroom upstairs because they don't want "those kids" on the first floor.

This news was of course, given to me as I walked down the hallway in the opposite direction of the person telling me, who is not actually in charge of any decisions, he just works in the office and "hears things." awesome.

I'm going to make a shirt that says, "I DON'T REALLY CARE, JUST TELL ME." Seriously, they keep "threatening" me with "bad" kids. Uh, which ones? Every kid they name, I've already taught at some point. scary! kids I already know! ooooooooh.

These threats keep coming up because I keep asking. They are so pissed that I want to know what I'm teaching in two weeks. How dare me! I should be ashamed.

Also, IST informed me my room looked "too busy." Oh, sorry. We'll stop this learning shit IMMEDIATELY!

I do not repeat myself.

So, kids right?
If its one thing I've learned from teaching, it's that kids will mimic your every move. The reason they tell you to get the fuck out their face? Yeah,they heard it from mom/dad/grandma/neighbor, whoever. Half the time, they don't even know what they're saying, they just know it sounds badass.
Because of this, I rarely get mad about some kid shouting overheard phrases. I think it's kind of funny. Like a screwed up version of playing house.
Today, 4th period.
Me: Chelsea, so you'll stop talking, you need to move to a different seat.
Chelsea: I DONT WANT TO!!
Me: *blank stare"
Chelsea stands up, but instead of moving to the appointed seat, stands in the corner.
Me: If you can't sit down in my room, I guess you can't sit down on the bus to the field trip Wednesday.
Chelsea: I DON'T CARE!
Me: oh, that's good then.
Chelsea: *mumble, mumble*
Me: what?
Chelsea: I already said it! I don't repeat myself!
Me: *rolls eyes* that's nice. I do. You're not going on the field trip.
Chelsea: *mumble, mumble*
Me: what?
Chelsea: I already said it! I don't repeat myself!
Me: what?
Chelsea: I said I don't repeat myself!
Me: Oh, right.

and the reason I love my 7th graders is that they all got it and died laughing.

Wow, Why Doesn't Everyone Work Here?

All the copy machines have been broken for THREE WEEKS now. Well, the one in the front office works, but as we were told over the intercom in the middle of the day, "Teachers, you think you are so smart and you go and break the copy machines. You can't use the one in the office because you need to suffer the consequences of your actions."

This goes hand in hand with her other mid-day intercom tirade about how teachers should support each other and the administration and how dare teachers not be supportive, etc., etc. The irony, of course, would be that the most supportive thing she could do would be to not cut us off at the knees in front of kids?

Pssh, Amateurs

Somebody broke into the school over the weekend and stole money from the vending machines in the teacher's lounge. While talking to the kids about it, I heard this enlightening comment:

"Why'd they go to all that trouble? All you gotta do is pour salt water into the coin acceptor. It fries the circuits and the money falls out."

Well, I guess that proves your innocence?

This Looks Familiar

Well, the internet has been down at home, so sorry for not posting. Because, damn. These people make me question my sanity on an hourly basis.

1. A woman was shot to death about 10 ft. away from our front door. IT WAS NEVER EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED by our illustrious administration. We’ve even had a faculty meeting since it happened. Not a word.
2. I was told the day before Christmas break, “Your 8th grade class will go to science instead of your class starting January 5th.” (I’m really getting tired of this little song and dance, btw.) I came in on January 5th, “Oh, no, we’re not ready. You’ll keep the 8th graders today.” Awesome. Then, Tuesday and Wednesday, they all went to science. From now until January 23rd, only 21 of the 34 will go to science, and then they all will (including my 6th and 7th graders). What the hell kind of sense does that make??!
3. What will I be teaching after January 23rd? Everyone is mystified.
4. When they told me about this 21/34 nonsense, (oh, and that was only because I searched them out and asked myself, they didn’t actually feel as though it was necessary for me to know) I decided to make the ones will have for the next two weeks write research papers about one aspect of the Government high school curriculum (the one they have to get tested on and pass to graduate), things like Brown v. Board, the United Nations, etc. I was told that was too boring and I needed to jazz it up a little. I was told, not asked or persuaded, that I was going to have these kids, FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, write a jingle about the presidential inauguration, “because that sounds way more fun than a research paper.” Oh, my bad. I’m so stupid.
5. Then I was asked, so what are you doing with your 6th and 7th graders until the end of the semester? (January 23rd) I told her (now, Ms. Sperry…my favorite) that I was doing ancient Greece with the 6th graders and starting government with the 7th graders. (Following the curriculum, apparently I am the only one who remembers that whole hoopla at the beginning of the year.) She tells me, this woman who was obsessed with me following my curriculum to the letter, with no embellishment or originality. “Well, I think you need to focus on them learning the states and countries because I was in the computer lab one day listening to them, and it was horrifying. They don’t know anything. Teach them that.” (Sorry for this but…) FUCK YOU.
It’s really just whatever way the wind blows that day, isn’t it? It’s about saying what is most ridiculous at the time, whether is goes with your previous statements or not. I was busting my butt to teach them states and countries and got chewed out on a daily basis.
6. My classroom is roughly the size of your computer screen. My principal is demanding that all classrooms include a “technology center” of 3-4 computers. That would be awesome. Oh wait! I have 34 students, 33 desks and no tables! Alas, where shall these alleged computers go? The technology jerkwad came into my room and told me I have to completely rearrange my entire room to accommodate these computers….from 2001. Eight year old computers. Sah-weet. Maybe we can play Oregon Trail.