The MSA Diet

So we had a faculty meeting today and it was all the regular blah blah. (However she did reiterate that she will not be suspending kids for something as "little" as students cussing teachers out...awesome.)

But anyway, the point of this meeting was mostly to talk about the upcoming Maryland Standard Assessment (MSA) and how super duper important it is. We looked at how bad the kids failed their first two practice ones and we discussed strategies for the 3rd practice one to prepare for the real one in March. Yes, that's 4 standardized tests in both Math and Language Arts for those of you keeping score at home.

I have a feeling I'm going to be focusing a lot of hatred on the MSA preparation as these next two months progress (or, 30 school days according to my "Countdown to MSA" calendar). So, I'll just focus on one point today.

Today's ill will is focused on the Language Arts IST. I love her, she's great. I don't completely blame her for the crazy stuff she said to me; I think the testing is warping her brain. I've been teaching Social Studies (that other guy never left so I didn't get switched to Language Arts.) I kindof knew that I would soon have to switch into "Test Prep Mode" which means Nobody Cares About Social Studies Reinforce This Language Arts Stuff Immediately.

I go to the Language Arts IST, Ms. Freckles. I tell her I have some ideas using fairy tales and folk tales to teach the kids about main idea and blah blah and some such. She tells me no, this is not a good idea. Why is this not a good idea, Ms. Freckles?

"Because the readings on the MSA are not interesting, so they need to be reading things that are not interesting to get practice in."

Wait, Wait. I have to purposely teach them uninteresting things for TWO MONTHS so they'll be ready for testing. How about, HOW ABOUT, (I know, this is crazy) I get them USED TO READING so then these boring passages aren't that big of a deal?

Upon my expression disbelief and horror, she takes the tried and true method of someone who no longer teaches children. "Oh, it's not that hard. All you do is zippity do and whippity snap." She then proceeds to talk about how "when she was a teacher" something something something and amazingness pored out of her brain onto the kids and they just ate it up like candy.

I get it. Every person who used to teach but doesn't anymore was somehow the most bestest teacher in the history of teaching and they knew exactly what to do always and god you are such a moron for not being able to replicate my genius.

Well, guess what. To lose 50 pounds this month, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS stop eating and workout about 15 hours a day. Easy, right?

Bullying 2.0

So one of my kids has been walking around with a weird bandage on his stomach. He gets all vague and weird about it when an adult asks him, but he's holding court with the other kids giving details about whatever happened.
On Thursday, I walked up to him and asked him what happened. He hemmed and hawed and just kept saying he was okay. I told him he needed to be ready to tell me the whole truth on Friday.
Well, Friday comes around. He came up to me and said, "I'm ready to tell you now." We go into the hallway, and he tells me that over Christmas break, some high school boys had been following him and showing knives. They tried to rob him, but he fought back and "something happened" to his stomach. He said that on the way to school that day, they had followed him again and told him they would kill him and "put you in the vacants (houses)" He said he recognized the faces but he "doesn't think" he knows the names of these kids. It might be some of the kids who went to our school last year, it might not.
The whole conversation was filled with him evading answers and mumbling. He's afraid if he snitches on them, he'll get even more crap from them. Well, guess what. I get paid to snitch.
So I went to one of the ISTs (because her room is close to mine) and told her what was going on. I asked her to go tell Principal so we could do something about it. Principal called the school police and they took the kid up to their office and asked him about it. He told them everything (as far as I know.) We ended up calling his mother to come pick him up (so he wouldn't see the kids after school.)

We solved the problem for that moment, but I wish there was something more. It's a fine line to walk for me, because I want the kids to feel comfortable enough to share information with me, but I can't always keep their secrets.

Part of me knows that this one is still a kid and no matter how tough he acts, he told me the truth because he wanted me to do something about it. But I also know how scared they are of these assholes that bully and terrorize them.

I want to feel like I helped and did something good, but at the same time, I want to cry because it's not fair that this stuff happens in the first place.

Go Green--Recycle

Thanks For All Your Help

So the first day back from Christmas break was pretty much terrible. I can make excuses about how the kids haven’t had any structure for two weeks and blah blah blah, but none of that really matters when I’m standing in front of the class and nobody gives a flying shit what I’m saying. It’s basically the most frustrating thing that has ever happened to me.
Nobody likes talking about being a failure, so it’s no fun to talk about those kinds of days.
But it did remind me of something that happened before break that I forgot to blog about.
So I went to two of the Instructional Support Teachers a few weeks ago about one of my classes. (The class of 3rd grade reading levels) I told them that this class doesn’t learn anything from me and I have no idea what to do with them. I told them that I need to seek out this because people see them sitting down in my room and not being crazy and just assume everything is going fine. But it is not. I’m a very well paid babysitter.
Their suggestions were about two or three different lesson plans (oh great, two whole days out of 180.) All of these involved me purchasing (with my own money) some time of food or craft or supply. I said, “So, for them to learn, I have to buy things?” One of the INSTRUCTIONAL SUPPORT TEACHERS says, “Well, you have to motivate them somehow.” Oh, okay. The other one, she used to teach in elementary school. So she tried to give me these holiday activities like word searches and building a graham cracker house. Oh, that’s wonderful, BUT THEY STILL AREN’T LEARNING ANYTHING.
They just say some words and hope I’ll go away.

You Belong With Me

One afternoon I was taking some kids to the 7-11 during half-time of the high school football game. Brittany was sitting in the front seat playing with the music on my ipod.
Terrell was sitting in the seat directly behind me. Terrell is 15 years old and pretty badass.
In the rearview mirror I see Terrell gazing out the window and wistfully singing Taylor Swift. "She wears short skirts/I wear t-shirts/She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers."
No one was really paying attention to him and he was singing so quietly I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't seen him in the rearview mirror. I watched him for a few seconds but I think one of the other kids saw me. They turned and said, "Terrell?" He seemed to come out of his Taylor Swift trance and he tried to play it off by screaming the lyrics and dancing around, but we all knew. The kids were all confused but I was dying laughing. They were traumatized.."But...but..how do you know the words?" "Terrell? What's going on?"
He told us he hears it on the radio which is his alarm clock. But we knew. The jig is up, Terrell.

The New Guy

Here is an excerpt from his Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP):

Summary
Eric…can create a disruption to the learning environment (including calling out, being out of his seat, talking to peers during lessons, making noises) due to a history of ADHD and lead poisoning. When confronted on these disruptive behaviors or given consequences for negative behaviors, he exhibits verbal and/or physical aggression and may also elope from the classroom/building. This reactivity appears to be due to his difficulty regulating emotions, difficulty inhibiting impulses as well as misperceptions about people in his environment. Recently, Eric brought a knife to school, which was determined to be a premeditated act and not the result of the impulsivity associated with ADHD.

Preventing Strategies
Reduce distractions to Eric from the class and vice versa, access to additional academic and behavioral supports in a smaller setting when Eric is unable to complete work within his class.

Teaching Strategies
Eric will learn to link his thoughts with his feelings and behavior

Reinforcement Strategies
Eric can receive special lunches when he achieves goals.


Wtf? Some thoughts here.
1. Thank goodness the knife incident was premeditated and not the result of ADHD! Whew. Crisis averted.
2. How the HELLLLLLLL do you teach someone to “link his thoughts with his feelings and behavior”?
3. Good luck “reducing distractions” when you put him a class that really should have seatbelts on their chairs.
4. Where are these additional academic and behavioral supports? I would like to meet them.
5. Special lunches, eh? Where do these come from? Do I buy them? Is he a puppy?

I would like to thank the Special Education Team for churning out this b.s. and then acting like I should be okay with it. “Oh, he is having problems in class? Well we gave you a BIP. Just look on there.”

The Great Hoodie Controversy of 2009

So every day for the past month, our morning and afternoon announcements have consisted of this: “Teachers! Students are still wearing hoodies in your classroom! There are to be no hoodies or jackets or anything of that nature on your students. Students should wear their uniform and leave all other things in their lockers. Teachers, I am holding you responsible for the students in your classroom.” She also sends around administrators to go into classrooms and take children’s jackets.

Yesterday, Jonnae was wearing a purple sweater (her uniform color is hunter green) with a hood on it. I told her to take it off. She yelled, she screamed, she moaned and complained. She went to Principal. Principal apparently told her it was okay, she could wear it (but, conveniently, she didn’t tell ME that she could wear it.) So she tries to stroll back into my room. I tried to stop her and she flipped out. Principal was in the hallway. I asked her if Jonnae could wear the hoodie/sweater. She said, “Of course! We never said they couldn’t wear sweaters!” I rolled my eyes and walked away.

I went to her office later. I said, “I need some clarification on this hoodie/sweater rule. What can they wear and what can’t they wear?” She tells me they have always been able to wear sweaters, just not “hoodies…you know? Hoodies.” I said, “Okay, you should probably be clearer with your directions, because it sounds like they can’t wear anything but their uniform. Can they wear any color sweater?” She said, “We decided this already.” (We did??) “They can wear sweaters that are brown, white, black or the school colors.” (The school colors are blue and white? I think.) I said, “But her sweater HAS A HOOD and is PURPLE.” She said, “Ugh! Just let her wear it!!”

1. If they can wear sweaters but not hoodies, that basically is saying that girls can wear jackets and boys can’t. (Do you know any boys who wear cardigans?)
2. Why is it such a big deal if I don’t follow your rules, but I’m the annoying one when I’m trying to get clarification on your dumbass rule?
3. WHO CARES???!!!!!! Sweaters, jackets, hoodies, whatever. The temperature in the building is a crapshoot everyday anyway.

Let’s worry about our real problems? Like the fighting and the complete lack of work ethic. Granted, you can say that if you let the little things slide, you’re going to let the big things slide; but this same Hoodie Nazi is the woman who, during our faculty meeting, said, “Our suspensions are down. I’m not going to suspend somebody for something as simple as cursing you out. That is something you need to deal with.”

So, from now on, you can be in full-out eskimo gear and Miss Vinson will not say anything to you. I tried following the rules. It didn't work.

Leaving All The Children Behind

So I have a 7th grade class of students in which nine of them read at or below a 3rd grade level. Two of them read on a first grade level. Five of them were previously in a self-contained classroom, but put into the regular education classroom because “they can do the work.”
The special education teacher told me she doesn’t understand how one of these kids could be passing my class because he reads on a first grade level. I told her I have to grade him differently than everyone else because he obviously is not able to do all of the work. She said, “Just fail him and they will send him back.”
Which brings me to Victor. He reads on a 2nd grade level (well, we think. He refused to finish the test, so they just graded the few questions he answered.) He will do a good 10 minutes of work for me and then he’s done for the rest of the day (80 more minutes). He is very pleasant for me, but it is pretty much impossible to get him to do any more work. Even if I sit beside him and try to work him through it. Well, I went to the special education team to tell them that he is not doing well at all in the regular education setting and needs to be back in a classroom which can better accommodate him. I was told that he has, on multiple occasions, threatened to kill his special education teacher. Therefore, “he doesn’t threaten to kill you, so we’re going to keep him in your class.” So, this one, even if he fails every assignment, is with me for the long haul.
Another child in the same class, Dennis, is also on a 3rd grade reading level. He disappeared a few weeks ago because he got suspended. The suspension was for three days, but he’s been gone for a good two weeks. I found out today he has been placed in high school. In the middle of the year. From seventh grade. To high school. He can barely read.

Oh, Come ON! (Part Two)

So this didn't happen to me, but it's still so ridiculous I had to share.

Apparently a girl snuck a knife into school the other day. The kids were going to Art class, and about 5 of them told the asst. principal that this girl had a knife. What does this guy do? He walks the students to their next class and tells the teacher, "Watch so-and-so, she has a knife." WTF?
The teacher then SEES the knife. Multiple students in the class SEE the knife. The teacher told me he was just dumbfounded. WHY IS SHE IN CLASS IF EVERYONE KNOWS SHE HAS A KNIFE? And, what do you mean "watch her"? What kind of ridiculous statement is that?
She eventually is taken downstairs, but she has hidden the knife at this point. Since the principal or police officers didn't see it, nothing happens. Nothing at all. Not even detention.

Oh, Come ON!

There was a fire this morning. Some kid set a bulletin board aflame. It was at 7:25a.m. (Some kids are in the cafeteria for breakfast, but homeroom doesn't start until 7:45) We had to evacuate.
But you know what, whatever. It's not even the fire. That's like the 3rd fire this year, none of them have caused any real damage besides us having to stand outside.
Here's my problem. It's 7:45ish in the morning and you are dropping your child off at school. When you get there, you see 2 firetrucks, one ambulance and 200 people standing in the grass. AND YET YOU STILL DROP THE KID OFF AND DRIVE AWAY? Not even a roll-down-the-window "hey, what's going on?"??! This wasn't just a couple of parents. It happened close to 30 times. At what job would "Sorry I'm five minutes late, but my kid's school was on fire" not count as a legitimate excuse? What would possess someone to push an 11 year old out into 30 degree weather with emergency vehicles without some sort of explanation? What could possibly be going on that is so important?
Or, I guess it could be even worse. Do these parents have some lackadaisical "oh, this happens all the time" attitude?
PEOPLE! GET IT TOGETHER!