Vocabulary

So, you know how some kids will hear a new word, and then proceed to say it all the time, whether or not it actually fits into context? If you don't know what I mean...well, the story is still funny.
Autumn's word is "feces." I have no clue where she heard it, but she has been telling me for about a week now, "I would turn in my work, but it is feces." "Ugh, Rasheed smells like feces." etc.
I don't know if anybody else had heard her telling me these things, but nobody asked what the word meant. Yesterday, there was a balled up sheet of paper on the ground by her desk. She went to sit down and this is what happened:

Autumn: Ew. I can't sit here, there is feces underneath my desk.

Everyone else in class: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! FECES!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!GROSS!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
WHAT IS FECES??????!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
NO REALLY, WHAT IS FECES??????????

Love Can Touch Us One Time...

For some reason, our school district recruits heavily in the Phillipines. We have about 10 teachers at my school from there. Many of them have never been to America before coming here to teach. Mr. C is one of those people. His English is very, very formal and sometimes hard to understand. Except,

this morning when I was walking past his room. Mr. C was, literally, yelling the lyrics to that Titanic song, "My Heart Will Go On." He was all by himself, with the music blasting, head tilted up, his eyes closed, clutching his heart.
Hey, whatever helps you get through the day.

He's What?

One of the hardest parts of teaching is trying to figure out what your kids know and what they don't know. I don't want to spend 20 minutes talking about something just to have them stare at me like I have three eyes.
This week, we were doing a lessons on the Code of Conduct (because I have to) and I told them to write me a paragraph on a person who is their role model. I knew I was going to have to back it up a few steps when Tayshawn's paragraph started out like this:

"Well, my romodel is my dad..."

I Love This Guy

(I set aside this afternoon for lesson planning, hence the excessive posting.)

"The Impotence of Proofreading" by Taylor Mali.
freaking hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjhOBiSk8Gg
Has this ever happened to you?You work very horde on a paper for English clashAnd then get a very glow raid (like a D or even a D=)and all because you are the words liverwurst spoiler.Proofreading your peppers is a matter of the the utmost impotence.
This is a problem that affects manly, manly students.I myself was such a bed spiller once upon a termthat my English teacher in my sophomoric year,Mrs. Myth, said I would never get into a good colleague.And thats all I wanted, just to get into a good colleague.Not just anal community colleague,because I wouldnt be happy at anal community colleague.I needed a place that would offer me intellectual simulation,I really need to be challenged, challenged dentally.I know this makes me sound like a stereo,but I really wanted to go to an ivory legal collegue.So I needed to improvementor gone would be my dream of going to Harvard, Jail, or Prison(in Prison, New Jersey).
So I got myself a spell checkerand figured I was on Sleazy Street.
But there are several missed aches that a spell chukker cant cant catch catch.For instant, if you accidentally leave a word your spell exchequer wont put it in you.And God for billing purposes only you should have serial problems with Tori Spelling your spell Chekhov might replace a word with one you had absolutely no detention of using.Because what do you want it to douche?It only does what you tell it to douche.Youre the one with your hand on the mouth going clit, clit, clit.It just goes to show you how embargo one careless clit of the mouth can be.
Which reminds me of this one time during my Junior Mint.The teacher read my entire paper on A Sale of Two Titties out loud to all of my assmates.Im not joking, Im totally cereal.It was the most humidifying experience of my life,being laughed at pubically.
So do yourself a flavor and follow these two Pisces of advice:One: There is no prostitute for careful editing.And three: When it comes to proofreading,the red penis your friend.

It's Like She Reads My Blog

Friday I had to go to a meeting with my IST. I tried to be Zen about it when she handed me a paper with clip-art and typed phrases that say, "I Was Wondering..." that she filled in with things like, "where are your content standards?" and "how come you don't have words on the word wall yet?"
(For those of you not "in the know," a content standard is something like this:

• 6.3.A.1 Locate places and describe human and physical characteristics of those places using geographic tools)

I continued my inner-chanting and meditation as she told me to write out The Entire Content Standard out on the board every day(for each grade. So, three objectives, three homeworks, three warm-ups and three content standards written on the board. Hopefully I will never have to use the board for anything, ever.) I took deep breaths and counted to ten when she told me to laminate FORTY(!!!) sheets of paper about content standards and put them on the wall. (Because that's what "they" will be looking for. They? "They" have never, ever been in my room...much less wanted me to have every single content standard posted.)

But I really couldn't take it anymore when she said," You're doing good. I just really need pacifics. Pacific! Pacific! Pacific! It's what 'they' will want. Make sure you have pacific content standards, pacific MYP standards, and very pacific lesson plans."

Now, if I didn't know for a fact that you can't search for this blog and find it, that you only know about it if I tell you the address, and that she's not that smart, I would swear she was mocking me.

The Most Important Part

My 7th grade class are the best kids that ever lived. Really. Individually and as a class, they are fan-freaking-tastic. My 6th graders are sweet but blah (except for 3) and my 8th graders, well, I love them, but they drive me bananas.

But my 7th graders. Man. First of all, every single one of them watched Barack Obama's acceptance speech. We spent half an hour today talking about it. Thousands of questions. What are democrats? What are republicans? Why are they so mean to each other? Do I have to be one?

And of course, Tyonna pipes in,

"Okay, so, do they like, change the sheets and stuff when a new president comes in? Because that would be gross if they didn't. I'm just sayin'."

"It's Probably Because I Have Her First Period"

So, I don't really talk to teachers outside of inner-city middle school ones, so I don't know if this pertains only to middle schoolers, only to inner-city kids, or if it runs across the board. But I can't tell you how many times I've referred to a kid's behavior with the title statement. "Oh? She's bad for you? Huh. I think she's great, but It's Probably Because I Have Her First Period." I mean, they literally turn from sweet angels into foul-mouthed hellions over the course of 4 or so hours. Scientists should study this. It's insane. I've had a semi-hatred for every single last period class that I've ever had in my entire life, and I've always always loved my first period. I was so pissed when I saw the schedule and that I had my talkative 8th graders last. Damnit! I don't want to hate them...but I will. It's inevitable.

The cousin of that statement is the much hated, "Oh, wow, really? He's never been a problem for me." Oh, thanks. That's helpful.
I'm not absolving myself of this one. I have spent many a minute with a teacher having that conversation. Except my version is more like:
new teacher: "That Jimmy! He is crazy! I have NO IDEA what to do with him! He just cussed me out and said something about being in his face?" *frustrated sigh*
me: "Jimmy! I LOVE Jimmy! He is so funny! I wonder if he still has that pen of mine he borrowed? *wanders off to find Jimmy*
oh well. never said I was perfect.

But I really feel like some teachers get super defensive about the kids' attitudes. Look, nobody is going to think less of you if a 12 year old doesn't like you. They smell. Who cares what they think? Just because Jimmy or whoever likes me doesn't mean I'm a better person or even a better teacher because of it.
I can really relate to middle schoolers. It's a freakish gift. I can't sing or dance or anything so leave me alone!

So Far

The first day of school is really overrated. There is all this build-up, and then really nothing exciting. You can't really tell which new kids are going to be problems, or which classes are going to be the most difficult. There's really nothing to say about it.

My kids are still the smart ones. In fact, my homeroom is the 8th graders. I've known them for 3 years. They talk too much. It's a known fact. They are me as a middle schooler. So, rather than get all upset every.single.day.of.my.life, I've sortof embraced the talking. Yes. They talk. So we have debates and class discussions and they work in groups pretty much all the time. I let them have enough talking that when I tell them to be quiet, they generally are. Other teachers not so much. What is up with thinking that a 12 year old should go the entire day without talking? I don't get it. I'm really big on not wasting my own time, and yelling at them every other minute seems like a HUGE waste of time. They haven't shut up in 3 years, why get so mad about it? Especially since that's basically the only thing they do wrong. They don't fight, they do their work, and they do it well. They are respectful and nice. They're good kids. chill out.
The upstairs kids are still doing their upstairs thing. Still running, still being disrespectful, still completing zero work. Who has detention every day for a month? Yeah, my homeroom. For talking. It makes me want to scream.

Also, we have IST's for the first time in my life. These are Instructional Support Teachers. I guess the idea is that they are there to help you figure out how to teach something and give you resources? Well, she doesn't. I pretty much hate her.
I have big issues with being told what to do in the first place. I don't get why I should get a college degree only to be told EXACTLY what to teach, what to say, everything. I'm sure it works for some people. But no thanks, not for me. I don't go in order of the curriculum, so what. I do lots of projects and they are all my own, back off.
So, right, her mere presence makes me angry. Even when she seems helpful, I'm just so filled with resentment I can't listen. Even when she tells me I'm doing wonderful, it still seems condescending and unecessary. And then today. This woman. She comes in (AGAIN) to talk about my room, my lesson, my seating chart. AND SHE SAYS TO ME,
"just make sure you are really pacific about your pre-assessment."
That's it. I can't even hear you anymore.


And one last thing...(to be filed in that HUGE folder labeled "Crazy Principal"):
So, we had that huge "professional development" on caring and blahblah, yes? On the first day of school, before the students got there, she came over the intercom and told us that we were not, under any circumstances, allowed to talk to the children as they entered the building. They must silently go to their homerooms. I, of course, did not follow directions. But I would love a demonstration on how to "Build Relationships" with children without actually talking to them. Yes, I haven't seen you in 2 months, so I will completely ignore you in order to show how much I care.

Instead of Planning, I'm Blogging

School is starting on Monday. These are things I'm thinking about.

1. I'm the IB social studies teacher. yay!
I have three preps. boo! 6th, 7th, and 8th grade have nothing in common, so I will be planning my butt off this semester. I also only have them for a semester, so I have to cram as much in as I can, meanwhile, having them do 20 jillion projects and hands-on activities so they can have somewhat of a portfolio when these IB Checkers come around to make sure we're following the rules.

2. I can't really get focused. Maybe it's because I spent all of last semester (and the summer) just hanging out, but I really can't get on board with this planning business. Not a good start. I know people usually get really excited about the beginning of school, and I'm usually one of them, but for some reason it's not happening yet. I am so super excited to see my kids again, though.

3. One of the reasons, I know, is this stuff with Gabriel. I think about it all the time. I was worried about him, I saw him and felt better. But this no visitors stuff, I just keep thinking, are my kids really doing this to each other? How can I possibly handle that?
I always said I had to get out before they started killing each other. It's hard to come to terms with the possibility of that actually happening.

4. We got our class lists on Friday. They basically changed nothing from last year. The 7th grade classes that ran the school last year are now the 8th grade classes that will run the school this year. awesome.

5. I know it seems like it, but I'm not really feeling negative about this year. We have a ton more teachers and several new hall monitors, so hopefully things will be calmer. I'm really excited about the 8th graders. We're trying to plan all kinds of things for them. They are the ones that I love the most, hands down. We've been through a lot together. I think my class will be fun, once I can wrap my brain around planning it, because it's going to be project based. Less teaching for me, score.

6. All those kids that I said left the school? They are still on our roll. We'll see if principal was lying.

7. We have metal detectors now. They seem like they're going to be a huge pain. I feel like it's just going to be a whole mess of cellphone confiscation. Oh, and the metal detectors aren't on the main entrance. So, if our little shooter comes to school after 8a.m., they don't have to pass through it. Genius.
But back to the cellphones. I understand it's district policy, blahblahblah, and NO they can't have them out in my class, but I don't really care about the kids having them. Honestly, if I had a 12 year old who had to take 3 buses to get to school, I would like to be able to get in touch with them. I realize many of those phones aren't used for that purpose, but a whole bunch are.

8. You know what gets on my nerves? I make a.whole.freaking.lot. of posters. People ask me to do posters for them. cool. However. If you have never, ever spoken to me, and the first and only time you choose to do so is to say,"Ooooh, make me a poster." We are not friends. In fact, I hate you. Markers, posterboard and free time don't just fall out of the sky.

9. Dear All Other Teachers At My School,
Just because there is a white male teacher in the building does not mean we are attracted to each other. Please stop asking me/wiggling your eyebrows and pointing every time he's around.
Sincerely,
Me

10. I don't think I really have a 10th thing, it just seemed suitable to end on 10. I guess I will again apologize for grammar mistakes. I do not associate myself with the philosophy of proofreading.
theend.

Way Too Real.

Was going to take Taurus up to see Gabriel today. Can't because he's got security stationed outside his door and isn't allowed visitors anymore.

Sortof freaking out.