So Far

The first day of school is really overrated. There is all this build-up, and then really nothing exciting. You can't really tell which new kids are going to be problems, or which classes are going to be the most difficult. There's really nothing to say about it.

My kids are still the smart ones. In fact, my homeroom is the 8th graders. I've known them for 3 years. They talk too much. It's a known fact. They are me as a middle schooler. So, rather than get all upset every.single.day.of.my.life, I've sortof embraced the talking. Yes. They talk. So we have debates and class discussions and they work in groups pretty much all the time. I let them have enough talking that when I tell them to be quiet, they generally are. Other teachers not so much. What is up with thinking that a 12 year old should go the entire day without talking? I don't get it. I'm really big on not wasting my own time, and yelling at them every other minute seems like a HUGE waste of time. They haven't shut up in 3 years, why get so mad about it? Especially since that's basically the only thing they do wrong. They don't fight, they do their work, and they do it well. They are respectful and nice. They're good kids. chill out.
The upstairs kids are still doing their upstairs thing. Still running, still being disrespectful, still completing zero work. Who has detention every day for a month? Yeah, my homeroom. For talking. It makes me want to scream.

Also, we have IST's for the first time in my life. These are Instructional Support Teachers. I guess the idea is that they are there to help you figure out how to teach something and give you resources? Well, she doesn't. I pretty much hate her.
I have big issues with being told what to do in the first place. I don't get why I should get a college degree only to be told EXACTLY what to teach, what to say, everything. I'm sure it works for some people. But no thanks, not for me. I don't go in order of the curriculum, so what. I do lots of projects and they are all my own, back off.
So, right, her mere presence makes me angry. Even when she seems helpful, I'm just so filled with resentment I can't listen. Even when she tells me I'm doing wonderful, it still seems condescending and unecessary. And then today. This woman. She comes in (AGAIN) to talk about my room, my lesson, my seating chart. AND SHE SAYS TO ME,
"just make sure you are really pacific about your pre-assessment."
That's it. I can't even hear you anymore.


And one last thing...(to be filed in that HUGE folder labeled "Crazy Principal"):
So, we had that huge "professional development" on caring and blahblah, yes? On the first day of school, before the students got there, she came over the intercom and told us that we were not, under any circumstances, allowed to talk to the children as they entered the building. They must silently go to their homerooms. I, of course, did not follow directions. But I would love a demonstration on how to "Build Relationships" with children without actually talking to them. Yes, I haven't seen you in 2 months, so I will completely ignore you in order to show how much I care.

Instead of Planning, I'm Blogging

School is starting on Monday. These are things I'm thinking about.

1. I'm the IB social studies teacher. yay!
I have three preps. boo! 6th, 7th, and 8th grade have nothing in common, so I will be planning my butt off this semester. I also only have them for a semester, so I have to cram as much in as I can, meanwhile, having them do 20 jillion projects and hands-on activities so they can have somewhat of a portfolio when these IB Checkers come around to make sure we're following the rules.

2. I can't really get focused. Maybe it's because I spent all of last semester (and the summer) just hanging out, but I really can't get on board with this planning business. Not a good start. I know people usually get really excited about the beginning of school, and I'm usually one of them, but for some reason it's not happening yet. I am so super excited to see my kids again, though.

3. One of the reasons, I know, is this stuff with Gabriel. I think about it all the time. I was worried about him, I saw him and felt better. But this no visitors stuff, I just keep thinking, are my kids really doing this to each other? How can I possibly handle that?
I always said I had to get out before they started killing each other. It's hard to come to terms with the possibility of that actually happening.

4. We got our class lists on Friday. They basically changed nothing from last year. The 7th grade classes that ran the school last year are now the 8th grade classes that will run the school this year. awesome.

5. I know it seems like it, but I'm not really feeling negative about this year. We have a ton more teachers and several new hall monitors, so hopefully things will be calmer. I'm really excited about the 8th graders. We're trying to plan all kinds of things for them. They are the ones that I love the most, hands down. We've been through a lot together. I think my class will be fun, once I can wrap my brain around planning it, because it's going to be project based. Less teaching for me, score.

6. All those kids that I said left the school? They are still on our roll. We'll see if principal was lying.

7. We have metal detectors now. They seem like they're going to be a huge pain. I feel like it's just going to be a whole mess of cellphone confiscation. Oh, and the metal detectors aren't on the main entrance. So, if our little shooter comes to school after 8a.m., they don't have to pass through it. Genius.
But back to the cellphones. I understand it's district policy, blahblahblah, and NO they can't have them out in my class, but I don't really care about the kids having them. Honestly, if I had a 12 year old who had to take 3 buses to get to school, I would like to be able to get in touch with them. I realize many of those phones aren't used for that purpose, but a whole bunch are.

8. You know what gets on my nerves? I make a.whole.freaking.lot. of posters. People ask me to do posters for them. cool. However. If you have never, ever spoken to me, and the first and only time you choose to do so is to say,"Ooooh, make me a poster." We are not friends. In fact, I hate you. Markers, posterboard and free time don't just fall out of the sky.

9. Dear All Other Teachers At My School,
Just because there is a white male teacher in the building does not mean we are attracted to each other. Please stop asking me/wiggling your eyebrows and pointing every time he's around.
Sincerely,
Me

10. I don't think I really have a 10th thing, it just seemed suitable to end on 10. I guess I will again apologize for grammar mistakes. I do not associate myself with the philosophy of proofreading.
theend.

Way Too Real.

Was going to take Taurus up to see Gabriel today. Can't because he's got security stationed outside his door and isn't allowed visitors anymore.

Sortof freaking out.

Lean On Me While I Stand and Deliver These Freedom Writers With Dangerous Minds

(a little bit of a rambling monologue...deal with it)
Sorry if you like sappy go teacher(!) movies. They make me want to barf. Today we had to go to some professional development crap (see previoius post) and the I swear the speaker watched all those movies as prep work.
Let's just get something straight. A kid that comes to me who hasn't eaten breakfast, has on dirty clothes, barely slept last night, with all kinds of family and emotional issues is not NOT going to do fantastic in school because I love/care for him. I can love you all day long, care about you more than anything, but that is NOT going to make you smart. LEARNING will make you smart(er).
Yes, caring is important. I don't get why you would show up every day if you don't care. It is waaay too much of an emotional investment not to care. BUT, caring does not solve all problems and I am really sick of being told that it will. It also bothers me that they think someone is sitting in the audience with a lightbulb (ding!) over their head, "OH! It's because I need to CARE! Finally! The answer!" If you care, you care; if you don't, somebody telling you to isn't going to change anything.
Some guy wrote a really awesome article for the New York Times about that once. I would go to the trouble of finding it, but you have to pay to read it and who wants to do that. Basically, he was saying that all those movies make it seem like all good teachers are a martyr to the cause of teaching. They give up personal lives, they pour all their money back into the classroom, they do nothing but teach, grade and plan. Well, sorry, that's not real life. There are teachers like that, but I ain't one of 'em. And I don't think that makes me a bad teacher.
Those movies also make it seem like the Michelle Pheiffer/Hilary Swank whoever is the only one who is REALLY DEDICATED to the kids and everyone else hates them and thinks they're stupid. Now, maybe I've just been really lucky but I know a whole lot of teachers that do a damn good job. There are the crappy ones, but there's crappy people everywhere, why would the teaching profession be different?

The speaker today told us that the reason for the achievement gap is teacher expectation. OHHKAY. Not poverty, family values, access to materials and resources, lack of nutrition, unsafe neighborhoods and schools etc.,.....no, how I feel about them determines whether or not they succeed.
Again I feel compelled to ask the question, Am I a superhero for being able to solve all the world's problems by simply altering my state of mind or am I too stupid to even write my own lesson plans or come up with my own ideas for teaching?

Please Allow Me To Eloquently Summarize My Feelings About Professional Development

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Gabriel

I've known Gabriel for three years. He is one of those kids who is really tall, with big hands and feet and no idea what to do with this huge body. It just seems like he's always flailing about. He is the definition of goofy and will drive you mad in the classroom. He can't be still for a second and he has the attention span of a gnat.
He is also just about the sweetest kid you'll ever meet. You can tell him to sit down and be quiet 30493409384 times, and everytime he'll be geniunely sorry that he can't pay attention or be still. He gets in trouble on an hourly basis, but I've never seen him disrespectful. I've even heard him say something crazy like, "well, Ms. so-and-so gets on my nerves always yellin' but I know she is just tryin' to do her job."
And I, of course, love him to death. He hangs out with Taurus and is in his little merry band of mischief makers.

Today I spent an hour with him in the hospital. He was shot on Friday night twice in the chest. He has a collapsed lung and excessive blood loss. He said, "I can't believe teachers came to see me. I'm so happy."

He said my Trevon did it. I don't know how to deal with that.

What If

On Friday, I was attempting to clean up the mess that is my classroom. I painted one of the walls, even. Well, one of my kids was around. Turns out he is out of zone, but principal told him he could stay if he volunteered to help at our school. The boy was there at 7a.m.
I go into the office and principal says, "RonniAndre is here. Make him do work!"
Okay, sweet.
There is only so much work you can find for a highly distractible 12 year old, but he did a good job. However, while he was helping, this is what he talked about:

What if it rained something else?
What if rained money, would you take it?
What if it rained Mountain Dew?
Would you just open your mouth or would you go get cups to fill up?
What if we did all our classwork on Post-its?
What if you had a pencil sharpener that was big as this room?
What if you had a sharpener that could sharpen pens?
What if you painted the room a different color?
What if you had to paint with tiny little paintbrushes?
What if you mixed water and white-out?
What if I took this white-out?
What if pencils were really big?
What if there were no windows?
What if I was in a class with all girls? Can you get me in that class? Only pretty ones...
What if you put paper all over the walls?
What if you took all that paper from the office?
What if I was principal?
What if you was principal?


I'm sure there were others....but I think I blacked out.

Reason #23928320 Why I Can't Do This Forever

Trevon, Shannon, Tavon and Jimmy have all transferred to other schools. Every single one of them is bad as I don't know what, but I almost started crying!
Tavon is the one that really kills me. I almost want to go to his new teachers and say, "This one's special. PLEASE take care of him."

Oh, and somebody broke into another teacher's classroom and stole 20 boxes of crayons, 10 boxes of colored pencils and 5 notebooks. Kids aren't in the building yet, so it was someone who works in the school (or is working for the school; there's people in there painting and doing random maintenance.) The desktop computer that was in my room is now gone and I went to ask the office if someone had moved it for some reason. "I don't know, ask that new teacher in room 127, he's been taking everything from everywhere."
Now, granted, I've taken a few things in my time. When we first moved into this new building, there was all kinds of stuff in the hallway leftover from the other school, and I took some maps. If a teacher leaves in the middle of the year, nobody hesitates to go in and get some pens or copy paper. But, really? Do I now have to constantly stand over everything? Is the new rule, "if I can see it, it's mine"? Am I gonna have to get like 5 locks to keep my door closed? It's bad enough I can't have anything pretty or shiny because the kids will take it, but now I can't even have functional equipment?!

And, by the way, I still don't know what I'm teaching.

Frighteningly Accurate

So, I just finished reading a book called, "The Corner." It's by the same guys who wrote for The Wire (my fave tv show.) It is a documentation of "a year in the life of an inner-city neighborhood" in Baltimore.
The book is really on point about a lot of things, but this page about teachers giving end of the year grades? Yeah, it is EXACTLY how things happen here. It is so realistic, it sortof freaked me out. (Made me feel better about the fact that WE do it, but more horrible about the fact that it happens so much it's commonplace.)
here it is:
______________________________________________
There’s nothing in writing, nothing for the record, but everyone in the room knows what’s feasible and what isn’t. Three percent can fail, maybe 6 or 8 percent if you want to push it. But the system can’t sustain itself on a 25 or 40 or 60 percent failure rate. So you sit there with your colleagues, roll book in front of you, and you being, alphabetically as always.
"Abbott."
"He’s okay…pass."
"Adams, Monique."
"I saw some improvement at the end of the year."
"Well, not in my class."
"You can fail her there, but I’ve got to pass her."
"Me, too."
"Addams, Robert."
"Lord, one more year and I can adopt him."
"Hey," someone jokes, "third time’s a charm."
"Now way. I’m tired of him tossing books out the windows."
"Well Herbert Thomas sets his on fire and we passed him."
"Please. I can’t deal with Robert."
"Okay, pass."
You sit there for hours, making judgments off the top of your head, all the while sensing the absurdity of the thing…
Now, you sit here going through the motions, pretending that there is a difference between the kids you send to the tenth grade and those left behind. The no-shows are easy enough—if they didn’t exist in your class, they can’t exist now—but virtually everyone else is an open question.
Failing grades in core classes? That alone could disqualify more than half the eighth grade. Achievement, or the lack of it, is not enough of a filter. You factor in class absences, disruptive behavior, and indifference; still, the number of those actually deserving promotion is appallingly low. But next year, there will be another swarm of eighth-graders. And they can’t be taught if a third of last year’s class is hulking in the back of the room.

___________________________________________

Seriously. Change the names and I've had that exact conversation 6 times-at the end of every semester. Isn't that horrible?

and so it begins...

WELL. I went up to the school today. Professional Development begins for us on Tuesday the 19th. The kids come back Monday the 25th.
I went up to start fixing my room. drawers have been broken off, stuff written all the walls, etc. I guess the last teacher to inhabit Rm 119 was not too concerned with any kind of cleanliness or order.
Anyway, I was kind of curious to know which periods I would be teaching and when my planning period was. I asked principal, she said, "I know you have IB Social Studies this semester, but I can't say what periods. Next semester you'll just be regular 8th grade s.s."
Okay, cool.
I'm working in my room and the assistant principal comes in. She makes the schedule. "Oh, hey you have 2 periods of math and one period of character ed (what...) and one free period."
Um, thought I had IB Social Studies? "Well, I make the schedule, so I know!"
oookay.
I go to the IB Department Head. Hey little confused as to how I can get work samples of IB Social Studies together when I'm not teaching it.
"What? Of course you're teaching IB Social Studies. And IB has a different schedule than the rest of the school, so yours is a year course instead of a semester. You'll have the same kids until summer."
I go back to principal. Hey, little confused about what I'm teaching.
"Math! Of course!"

OH OKAY. IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW.