The Classics

Well, since school is out, there is no mayhem to document here on the blog. So I decided that whenever one of my old stories comes back to me, I'll write it here as a way to keep everyone entertained, as well as let it live forever in internet history. There's a reason I started this blog: two years of ridiculousness that I'm pretty sure I would think was a figment of my imagination 20 years from now.

Here's one:

(While the kids were doing a word search):

"Ms. Vinson, is Bender a word?"

"What? Use it in a sentence."

"Err..Okay." (long contemplative pause) "I don't want to go there, 'cause I already ben der."

Clowns, Tigers and Jesus, Oh, My!

Again with the end of the year activities. On this lovely day it was the circus. Not just your regular circus, no no. The SOUL circus. That's what it's called. I swear.
We strolled in an hour late ('cause that's how all the real gangstas do....or because our buses were late and our principal had to give the kids a nice little raging monologue before they left and then we got lost going across town.) Someone was in our seats. We stood in front of other people for 10 minutes. We got into our seats just in time for....intermission. yaaay.
Then there were some cool acrobat-y people and little Chinese men that jumped around all crazy. After that, they put up the rickiest looking "cage" I have ever seen in my life and I spent the next 20 minutes determining which tiger was going to kill me first, what were possible escapes from this tent in a parking lot and which children would I be willing to throw in front of me to distract Mr. Tiger.
Then those people that swing from scarves on the ceiling came out, and they were great. A couple of other things that were pretty entertaining for a circus.
AND THEN
some loud music....wait, is that gospel music? Yes, yes it is. The "Ringmaster" said, "It's time for us to get back to our roots....the church." Then these mimes come out and do a mime of the gospel song that is playing. What?
I mean, I'm all about some converting the heathens and whatnot, but who's idea was it to hype up some kids on funnel cakes and death defying stunts and then randomly throw in the soul-saving?
OH. SOUL CIRCUS. I get it now.

The Loves of My Life

Dance, Dance

Today we went on one of our many end-of-the-year field trips. This time it was to the skating rink. We took about 80 kids. In case anyone was wondering, the skating rink is EXACTLY THE SAME as it was whenever you were there last. All skating rinks across America are basically identical, as are the children and situations that go on inside. Middle school kids going around in circles and working really incredibly hard at being cool, some succeeding more than others.

The only thing different from the ghetto skating rink and your normal one is what happened about an hour before we left. A huge group of kids had circled up, and some were yelling. At school, this usually indicates a fight. But for those of us who have chaperoned a dance, or basically any time free time, it was as expected: a dance-off. The dance-off consists of everyone standing in a circle, with two people on the inside "battling." The crowd decides who does better, and the one who lost goes back into the circle and someone else comes to battle the winner.

The DJ had realized that everyone was leaving the rink to go watch the dance-off, so he got in on the action. They cleared the floor and proceeded to have the dance-off in the middle of the rink, with the whole crowd standing around deciding who won.

Even after all this time in the ghetto, I've never seen something that was basically a scene out of Step Up. It was amazing.

Today they found kids in the ceiling.

Monopoly Outtakes

Rolling the dice:
"Sweet, seven."
"That's eight, boy. Stay in school."

"So, Baltic is like the ghetto."
"yeah, and you the slumlord, yo."

"Why my house gotta be by the train? I can't get NO sleep."



more to come...

Don't Make Me Go Crazy White Girl On You

So we went to the amusement park. It was pretty awesome. I also got the admiration of all the other teachers with the following encounter:

It was Math & Science Day, so there were tons of school kids there. Tons of Baltimore City school kids. Kids that like to break in line for the rides and cuss out innocent bystanders. There were 3 boys who were in front of us, and they decided it would be okay to let 10 of their friends up there too.

Um, no.

We were in the zig-zag of the line, and as the "leader" passed me. I stuck my hand out.

"Hello, how are you?"

"Uh, fine?"

"Okay, good. We're going to be needing to get in front of you."

"What?"

"Yeah, you're whole group here? You got in front of us, we get in front of you. Cool? Great."

I climbed under the bar and motioned for the other teachers. To which I hear:

"SHIT! Vinson is GANGSTA."

The funny part? by the time we got to the ride, I knew all their names and we got along great. I saw some of them later and they waved and called out to me. I love kids.

Random Updates

• Tomorrow we are going to an amusement park. Wish me luck!

• For some reason, I've been put in charge of hiring teachers for next year. I've already done two interviews. It's way better to be on the other side of the table, but it's weird to be interviewing some people who have been teaching longer than I have. I also see that it's not really about what you say, but how you act. You can really just tell. But, what the hell? Why am I the hiring committee?!

• I forgot one thing about the DC trip: In ther Air and Space Museum, I had to stop my group of boys from trying to fight some man because they "didn't like how he was looking at you, Miss Vinson!" Aw, so sweet. I have my very own posse.

• Trevon's coming back Monday. He is the student who was suspended for 30 days for making people try to fight Taurus. Last year, his father was killed. Ever since then, it has almost been like he's trying to emulate his gangbanging father. He used to be sweet and funny and goofy. Now he fights and orders fights and beats up junkies on the street.

• Shannon is one of my favorites. She's a huge smartass and freaking hilarious. She told me the other day that ever since her cousin died, she doesn't care about anything, much less living or dying. She doesn't care about school, about other people, about anything, what's the point? I literally choked up talking to her. The simple fact that a 12 year old is already so beat down by life is almost too much to take. The next day she got caught with a knife. She carries it in her backpack because people try to jump her at the bus stop on her way home. I probably won't ever see her again.

Thank Goodness for the Gift of Flight

Yesterday we went on a field trip to D.C. My group was about ten kids. In three hours, we visited Museum of Natural History, Museum of Air and Space, and Museum of the American Indian.
We still had about an hour to kill, but they told me they just wanted to sit around and hang out. We went to the Hiroshima Garden, where they proceeded to spend the next hour trying to catch a bird.

Thanks, I Think?

There's something that happens a lot that I always think is so hilarious. My kids will say something about me that is supposedly a compliment, but the way they say it sounds horrified or exasperated.

The girls will say, "You look cute today." and it sounds like, "Ugh, what is that smell?"

The boys will say, "Your skin is so soft. Why is it so soft?!!" and it sounds like, "I have so much homework. Why do I have so much homework?!!" (another one pipes in, "And her hair too!" which sounds like, "And I've got detention!")

Kids are funny.