Times When You Shouldn't Be Having Sex

When you think you are the only girl in the class who can use a tampon because you are the only one who has had sex.

(Also, when you are in 7th grade but what do I know)

Don't Touch It.

Some of the kids went on a field trip the other day to Luray Caverns.

They were told not to touch the formations in the caves because the oils on your skin make the formations stop growing.

This is what I was told today:

Damontae: "yooo, Miss Vinson, Desmond ain't gonna grow no more because he touched the formations!"

Desmond: "IT WAS ONLY ONE MISS VINSON I SWEAR! I WANT TO GROW!"

Define Imaginary

I had to hold a class an extra period because a teacher was out. They had an assignment to make up their own country (the name, the language, the climate, everything.)

This boy whose last name is Finney said:

"Ohmygosh! I have a great name for my imaginary country. Finland!"

Never!

This kid got suspended for 5 days for stealing a teacher's Iphone. He came back after only 3 days. I asked the Assistant Principal if he was going to send him back home.

"No, I don't want to antagonize him."


Of course not.

More Things That Are My Fault

Once a month these inspectors come in to see if the custodians are cleaning everything properly. (They don't.) The inspector came in my room and my room passed inspection. If my room had failed inspection, the cleaning crew would have been fired. The inspector told me that I need to stop cleaning up in my room for the next MONTH so that my room will fail inspection and the cleaners can get fired. Since I've been cleaning up after myself, my passing score raises the average too high and so no one will get in trouble.

Wednesday Workout

We have half days on Wednesdays so that teachers and staff can attend Professional Development. Since students are here for such a short time, the administration decided to take this opportunity to have the kids to Test Prep for the standardized tests. Our principal started calling it "Wednesday Workouts" because we are "working out" their minds. She encouraged the staff to wear their workout gear to emphasize this point. Apparently it wasn't articulated very well to the students.

"So, Ms. Vinson, we have to leave so you teachers can go work out?"

"Do y'all go to the gym or do you work out here?"

"Is people doing jumpin jacks and stuff?"

Another Stupid Thing

Cell phones in school are a HUGE problem. It's actually against city policy for students to have them in school, but our principal just says the kids have to "keep them put away."

Well, they don't keep them put away. They have them out all the time. You tell them to put them away. They say no. What then? Teachers stopped fighting that battle because there's not anyone to back you up when a child refuses to hand it over or even just put it away.

Yesterday Principal made this announcement, "Students, I know teachers are LETTING you use your phones, but you need to keep them put away. " (Emphasis mine.)

OKAY. Right, we are letting them do it.

So today I decided to say something to a student and see what happened. Correy had his phone out 3 times. On the third time, after I had told him to put it away each time, I told him he had to turn it in to me to get back at the end of the day. He said no. I asked him 2 more times. He said no. The "Behavior Specialist" just happened to be walking by. I flagged him down and said that Correy needed to turn his phone in to me because he had it out in class multiple times.

Mr. Specialist asked for the phone. Correy said no. Other words were said between the two of them.

Correy got to keep his phone as long as he "promised" to keep it in is pocket and he got a pass to the counselor's office to calm down because I upset him too much.

Miss Vinson no offense but why is some white girls named Maggie and Molly? That don't even make sense.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Last week we had to go to a training. In this training, our principal showed us a bunch of graphic organizers (charts and the like) and told us that they were NOT graphic organizers, but instead they were "thinking maps." She spent about an hour explaining these not graphic organizers to everyone and told us we were required to do one in a lesson in the upcoming week.

Today in our faculty meeting, we reviewed the lessons people did and principal patted herself on the back for a job well done. She then explained that she wants us all "trained" on how to work these "thinking maps" but she is trying to get the district to foot some of the bill because the training costs TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. what the whating what. WE ALREADY LEARNED IT. She told us it's "really a 3-5 year process" to implement these things. IT IS A CHART. I can't even with these people anymore.

Afterwards in our team meeting, my team decided we're going to quit teaching, rename everything in education and then make people pay us thousands of dollars so we can say, "No, that's not a pencil, it's an IMAGINATOR!" "This isn't a 3 ring binder--it's an information receptacle!"

THEN

We learned that we are one of nine schools chosen for Race To The Top funds. If we reach our goals, each teacher can get between two and ten thousand dollars (depending on how many of the nine schools reach their goals). Guess what data they are using to determine how much money I get? 1. Attendance. They will be looking at the attendance data that I enter into the computer each day. 2. Suspensions. We can't have more than 60 suspensions. 3. Climate Survey. There has to be at least 60% positive on the survey.

SO. I'm not saying I'm that kind of person, but I see that I can receive TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS if I mark my students present every day and I say that I am 100% satisfied at my job (the teacher surveys can offset the scant few parent ones we receive.) We can just straight up stop suspending kids AND WE ALL GET A CRAP TON OF MONEY.

Honestly, this is in no way makes me think that anyone will make things better. It just looks like a huge opportunity for some people to fudge some numbers in order to line their pockets.

It's all pretty disgusting.

if a=b and b=c the c=...

Today I had the kids read a news article about a couple in England who had a baby 5 years ago and only just recently revealed his gender to everyone. They were basically protesting gender roles and how people treat boys and girls differently.

I make the kids read news articles every day and I like to get the most controversial ones possible. This particular one brought up this conversation:

Daysheia: Oh these have GOT to be some white people. White people is crazy.

Me: I know. I hate white people.

Daysheia: My bad Ms. Vinson, but you ain't white. You black.

Me: So, I'm not crazy then?

Daysheia: ...Well. I guess you must be white then cause you DEFINITELY crazy.

Miss Vinson it's too cold for them open-toed shoes. You gon' get Unomia.

We Had Visitors

The day after Alabama won the National Championship, the Maryland State Department of Education came to our school to observe.

They observed me in my classroom wearing an Alabama flag as a cape and making students say roll tide before I would give them a donut.

TEACHER OF THE YEAR/DECADE/CENTURY

And The Temperature Saga Continues

Apparently a 10 year old runs our thermostat at school.

Over Winter Break, they completely turned the heat off to "save money." Welllll, it got down to like 15 degrees a few nights so the school was freezing inside. So, we come back on January 3rd to no heat because surprise, surprise it takes more than an hour or two to heat a 3 story building.

Tuesday and Wednesday you could see your breath when you were teaching in classrooms. Friday the heat finally gets to us. We spend an hour outside friday because the fire alarms went off. Why, you ask? Because it was ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX DEGREES in the auditorium. It is now Wednesday and classrooms are still reaching up to 90 something degrees.

I'm sure they money they "saved" by turning off the heat was way more than they spent heating an entire auditorium so hot it set off fire alarms.