The MSA Diet

So we had a faculty meeting today and it was all the regular blah blah. (However she did reiterate that she will not be suspending kids for something as "little" as students cussing teachers out...awesome.)

But anyway, the point of this meeting was mostly to talk about the upcoming Maryland Standard Assessment (MSA) and how super duper important it is. We looked at how bad the kids failed their first two practice ones and we discussed strategies for the 3rd practice one to prepare for the real one in March. Yes, that's 4 standardized tests in both Math and Language Arts for those of you keeping score at home.

I have a feeling I'm going to be focusing a lot of hatred on the MSA preparation as these next two months progress (or, 30 school days according to my "Countdown to MSA" calendar). So, I'll just focus on one point today.

Today's ill will is focused on the Language Arts IST. I love her, she's great. I don't completely blame her for the crazy stuff she said to me; I think the testing is warping her brain. I've been teaching Social Studies (that other guy never left so I didn't get switched to Language Arts.) I kindof knew that I would soon have to switch into "Test Prep Mode" which means Nobody Cares About Social Studies Reinforce This Language Arts Stuff Immediately.

I go to the Language Arts IST, Ms. Freckles. I tell her I have some ideas using fairy tales and folk tales to teach the kids about main idea and blah blah and some such. She tells me no, this is not a good idea. Why is this not a good idea, Ms. Freckles?

"Because the readings on the MSA are not interesting, so they need to be reading things that are not interesting to get practice in."

Wait, Wait. I have to purposely teach them uninteresting things for TWO MONTHS so they'll be ready for testing. How about, HOW ABOUT, (I know, this is crazy) I get them USED TO READING so then these boring passages aren't that big of a deal?

Upon my expression disbelief and horror, she takes the tried and true method of someone who no longer teaches children. "Oh, it's not that hard. All you do is zippity do and whippity snap." She then proceeds to talk about how "when she was a teacher" something something something and amazingness pored out of her brain onto the kids and they just ate it up like candy.

I get it. Every person who used to teach but doesn't anymore was somehow the most bestest teacher in the history of teaching and they knew exactly what to do always and god you are such a moron for not being able to replicate my genius.

Well, guess what. To lose 50 pounds this month, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS stop eating and workout about 15 hours a day. Easy, right?