Monday, April 28, 2008

You Suck

We had a faculty meeting today. At this meeting, we were told that if more than 10% of our students are not passing, we are failures as teachers. That's actually what she said.

YOU ARE FAILURES AS TEACHERS.

Considering that at least 10% of our students are absent more than 25 days a semester, another 5% spend every day in the hallway and another 5% are suspended most of the time, I can see where it's totally my fault.

It's like that saying: "The beatings will continue until morale improves."

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Protection

On Friday, I told everyone to take out a pencil and start their math work.

Jimmy went to take one out of his pocket...and a condom fell out.

We all just sat there staring at it with our mouths open. He finally came to his senses, picked it up and put it away.

He's TWELVE.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

When The Cat's Away....



Our Principal and one of our Assistant Principals are out for the week.

This is a picture of ketchup on the ceiling.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

"What I Make" by Taylor Mali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw1MFobWD_o

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE By Taylor Mali
What Teachers Make, or Objection Overruled, or If things don't work out, you can always go to law school
He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about teachers: Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
I decide to bite my tongue instead of his and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests that it's also true what they say about lawyers.
Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company."I mean, you're a teacher, Taylor," he says. "Be honest. What do you make?"
And I wish he hadn't done that (asked me to be honest) because, you see, I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?
I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor and an A- feel like a slap in the face. How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.
I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.
No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water? Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.
I make parents tremble in fear when I call home: I hope I haven't called at a bad time, I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today. Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?" And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.
I make parents see their children for who they are and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?
I make kids wonder, I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write. And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful over and over and over again until they will never misspell either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math. And hide it on their final drafts in English.

I make them understand that
if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart)
and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true: I make a goddamn difference. What about you?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Taurus

If this story has a hero, his name is Taurus.
He isn't a super genius, but he knows what he is in school for. He takes care of his business. Last year, he was one of the more popular boys. Now, most of those other boys are in the school gang (PZK). Taurus thinks that is stupid. PZK thinks he's a traitor and they are always trying to jump him.
Yesterday, they were standing outside his classroom yelling at him. He put his books down, said he's tired of it and they should go ahead and try. NINE boys jumped on him. Teachers pulled them off, after Taurus got a few quality punches in. Every teacher that was there was sure to point out that these boys started it. Taurus wanted to end it so he could get on with his school work. Three of the boys in charge of PZK have now been suspended for the rest of the year (I'm guessing because of the gang affiliation) and Taurus is in class, raising his hand and reading aloud.
Anybody that can come out of this craziness as a kind-hearted, intelligent, sensible and well-rounded person is a hero in my book.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Jailbird

So, since I don't really have a job anymore, I have to do every random thing in the building. Today, there was a boy who's been in jail that needed to come take the Standardized Tests. Apparently, he's been enrolled in our school the whole year, just in jail the whole time. I'd never even heard of him (and I know Everyone.)
His name is Darnell and he has tattoos all over his arms that look homemade. He would barely speak. I guess because he is not used to the quiet, he kept falling asleep. I asked him if he wanted some food to wake him up a little. He said no. I went and got the food anyway. By the time I handed the food to him, walked to the trash can and back, he had eaten almost everything. I went downstairs and got him some more. He really tried on his test. But he's missed a year of school, who knows how much sleep and he's starving.

Sometimes I just want to bring them all home with me.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Not Planning + Testing = Chaos

Yay Standardized Testing!
Today we were scheduled to start the math section. Oh, wait, we don' t have enough calculators.

We ended up starting 45 minutes late and making them share calculators. This made it kind of awkward when I had to read aloud, "Do not work ahead in your Test Booklet. Do not share materials...." Oops, just kidding.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Welcome to Middle School

So, on Thursday I wasn't feeling well. I asked if I could go home early.
Principal told me no, the vice principals were out and she "needed" me. jigga what? Hi, not an administrator.

I went to the teacher's lounge and slept on the couch. I called out sick Friday.

Principal isn't speaking to me. I said good morning to her twice.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Yeah Right

There was an article in the paper talking about the importance of this week's standardized testing. They made a big deal about how the students couldn't have cell phones while they were working because of the possibility of cheating.

Umm, if you would just take a look in their phonebook, I doubt "man-man," "stinky," "boogah," "nook," "biggie," or "yo sexy gurrl" could bloop them what the word "anecdote" means.